The crew leaves Nolaster to meet Steady Hand Dealer, aka Grand Shandy, the Pirate King.
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Find more about Stillfleet at https://stillfleet.com
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@funcityventures is the show on twitter
@funcityventures is the show on instagram
@bijanstephen is Remy, the Sleeper (human) Blooder
@randwiches is Merkis, the Jalasti Banshee
@nicholasguercio is Vynos, the Conscript (human) Tremulant
and @shodell is Beta, the Shoodtha Pir
@taylordotbiz is Oat
@mikerugnetta is Zeshdano Navelle and Millen Ptoleny
@hollowearths is the Grand Shandy, and everything else
--
This episode of Float City was recorded in various locations across Brooklyn New York and Cape Cod, MA. It was produced, edited and sound designed by Mike Rugnetta.
For Tyrannical Purposes, Pixlriffs has made This World the Foundation of All & the Goddess Nature (Memory) & not Imagination (the Holy Ghost) is his Inspirer
Our music is by Sam Tyndall - https://www.samtyndall.com/
with a track this episode from Will Savino - https://wsavino.com/
Remy's flute playing is by Jake Fridkis - https://instagram.com/flutebros
Our art is by Tess Stone - http://notdrunkenough.com/
Float City's art is by Ethan Gould - https://www.instagram.com/spectralhouse/
Our Discord mods are Olivia Gulin, Kelly McKew, Kit Pulliam and Kestrel
The voice of Artemis is Molly Templeton
--
CC-BY LICENSED MUSIC USED
https://musopen.org/music/4354-andantino-spring-b-117/
[ Transcription by Jack Duff, @quackfluff on Twitter ] [00:00:00] [ Intro Theme begins ]
> Molly Templeton / “Artemis”: [ IC ] In the far future, faster than light travel is possible via portals called Stiffworks. Human and alien civilizations travel this way for millennia. Trade, war, and technology proliferate. Countless societies rise, thrive, fall, and vanish. Eventually, almost everyone forgets the secrets of the Stiffworks. Almost.
Three hundred years ago, the Worshipful Company of Stillfleeters is formed on Spindle, a space station of unknown origin. They send Fleeters into the void using Stiffworks in search of profit.
It is one hundred million years in the future. Welcome to Float City.
[ Intro Theme ends ]
[ Main Theme begins ]
> Mike Rugnetta / G.M.: [ OOC ] Previously on Float City, the crew reverses Company refactor Zeshdano Navelle’s death only to learn they were likely set up to take the fall for it. They fight their way out of a too-conveniently-timed assault by the Guard and the pirates, escaping to a bayside hideout belonging to Zeshdano’s partner, Millen.
The crew surmises the Anax, who sent them to check on Navelle, is in cahoots with Archivist Chragcht, and they’re conspiring to oust Zeshdano to freely trade weaponry into Kakudun, a political powder-keg long on the brink of war. They have perhaps succeeded on two fronts. A dead Mulruk in her apartment means Zeshdano is disgraced, and a Company refactor involved in the death of what some might call a freedom fighter could be the final straw for continent-wide conflict.
The crew wants to get to the bottom of the scheme but Zeshdano is singularly focused. No doubt the Pirate King, Steady Hand Dealer, is considering selling the storehouse of guns she had him hold as conflict looms and prices skyrocket. She asks the team if they’ll accompany her to Graffa, the pirate island off the Dark Sea coast, and amidst the sound of a riotous Nolaster, they agree.
We join the team now as they await the arrival of Millen, who hopefully will transport the crew and Zeshdano several days west to the court of the Pirate King.
[ Main Theme ends ]
> Jenn de la Vega / “Merkis Imeldar”: [ OOC ] Merkis is doing pushups and chanting - [ IC ]
Growing up! Growing up!
[laughing]
> Taylor Moore / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] Oat is spotting Merkis.
[laughing]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] You got a foot on his back?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] Yes.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah. [laughing]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] I’ve got my two paws on your foot.
> Shannon Odell / “Beta Commbot”: [ OOC ] Well, his arm?
> Bijan Stephen / “Remy Tester”: [ OOC ] Spotting pushups? You mean that you have your arms under his chest, and you’re like, you know, just like-?
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] No-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] No, I’m-
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] No, you’re giving me extra weight on my back.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Oh, I see.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I’m putting my hand on Merkis’s back, and being like - [ IC ] All right, straighten out, straighten out.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah, yeah.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Beta has her papers out, and she’s writing down notes about what
the Emissary looked like.
> Nick Guercio / “Vynos Lysumptuara”: [ OOC ] So, Vynos is looking over the- if he has access to them, the documents dealing with all of the specifics of exactly what they want to trade with the planet but Zeshdano has been preventing.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yeah, if you think there’s a reasonable chance that you would have shoved it in your bag, or in one of your giant pockets, sure, you can have-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] I mean I guess it’s technically Zeshdano’s, so maybe it would be weird if I was just looking over her document, but-
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Eh, I mean, if you were holding it. Yeah, you can have it. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You have a little memento from the burned-out apartment. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] [laughing] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] All right, so you’re all doing these things. The key-wall, the stone key-wall unceremoniously disappears. And the first thing that you notice is the sound.
[ noises of crowd in chaos, menacing pulsing beat fading in ]
Remy, if you’re asleep, you might be woken up by this. Gun and laser-fire, explosions, people shouting, engines revving, the sound of wood creaking and splintering and breaking, waves crashing against the pier and the boathouse, and then you see, standing in the boathouse, the man who opened the door: a sweaty, haggard, and grave-looking man. He’s short and he’s square, he’s got these large dark-rimmed glasses and very short, thick black hair. He’s wearing a long, white, rubbery coat over a stained grey jumpsuit. And he says - [ IC ] Who the fuck are all of - Zeshdano!
[ OOC ] And he runs over to her. And they embrace for a moment.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis is mid-pushup, and falters and just splats onto the ground. [
IC ] [panicked noise]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] You gotta want it. You gotta *want* it.
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Remy’s like - [ IC ] [surprised grunt]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] He steps back and he looks at her, and he says - [ IC ] I saw the painting, and also, the city! What the hell happened?!
[ OOC ] And, it takes a little while, and he is suitably credulous as Zeshdano explains everything to this man, who must be Millen Ptoleny.
[00:05:00] She explains her murder, the Reweaving, the Nolastrian Guard, Boo, the pirates, the Emissary - and with each passing subject, Millen looks more and more shocked and confused, like he doesn’t know if he should be upset that Zeshdano died, elated that she was saved, or angry that she was put right back into danger’s path again after she was killed.
She explains the trade deal, the Saffron Anax, Chragcht, all of your suspicions. She introduces each one of you in turn.
[ music, crowd noises subside ]
And actually, while we are talking about introductions in-game, out of game, in real life, I’m going to do a small introduction right now. Joining us today is Wythe Marschall, the creator of Stillfleet, and an old, very good friend of mine. Wythe, hello.
> Wythe Marschall / Special Guest: [ OOC ] Hey, thanks for having me, Mike! Thank you everybody, yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yeah, thanks for joining us. Wythe is a special guest on today’s episode: you don’t yet know why.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] I’m assuming we’ll get there soon enough, but we’ll see. [laughing] So,
yeah, without further ado.
[ music, crowd noises resume quietly ]
And she explains the guns, and what she wants to go do. She wants to go to Graffa to have a chat with the pirate that she’s been working with, Steady Hand Dealer. And she looks at all of you, and she says - [ IC ] And, uh, I think they’re all - I think they’re all gonna come too.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Very nice to meet you, Millen. Thank you so much for your hospitality. I mean, really a great place you have here.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis sidles up, very quietly, and says - [ IC ] You wrote that letter?
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] He looks at Zeshdano and she like, reaches into her shirt and pulls out the letter and shows it to him, and he looks at you, and looks at her, and looks at you, and he’s like - [ IC ] You can’t go openin’ other people’s mail!
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] I didn’t, I didn’t. I just appreciate the content. [ OOC ] [laughing] And he just bows out, and just - [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano looks at him and she says - [ IC ] And that’s why I’m asking you if you - Will you take us to Graffa?
[ OOC ] And Millen says - [ IC ] You know that I can’t go there. If they figure out who I am, you know what they’re gonna do. And you also know that that Wetan guy that you’re buddy-buddy with is- is- It’s not safe. It’s not safe for you to be hanging out with him, it’s not safe for you to be friends with him.
[ OOC ] And she says - [ IC ] I know, I know. Can you at least get us to the Dark Sea coast? [ OOC ] And he says - [ IC ] ... [sigh] You are gonna pay for all of our next vacation to the
Qoronal State. If it’s still there by the time all of this is over.
[ OOC ] And then she puts out a pinky, and they pinky-swear. [ music and crowd noises subside ]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Aw! I love them.
[laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Do they kiss their thumbs when they do it?
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [squeals]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yeah, you gotta. That’s how you- yeah, absolutely.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Seal it in!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Then it works, then it counts.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Do you do a pinky swear with your fiancé in a different way?
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] No, nobody does.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Right? That’s how you get married, too, little-known fact.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Mhm.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Mm!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Ey.
[ music, crowd noises resume quietly and gradually increase ]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] He looks at her and he says - [ IC ] Okay. Um, I mean, we should probably go sooner rather than later.
[ OOC ] And yeah, you look out behind him and through the open rock door you can see the boathouse is swaying. It’s complete pandemonium out there. It doesn’t seem like Nolaster is having a good day, as it were.
Is there anything that you all want to do before you leave the relative safety of the Folded City cave that you are magically occupying?
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Millen, Millen, Millen. Why, uh- Why are you so afraid of Graffa? You got some business there that didn’t go well, or-?
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] Or bills?
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Some exes? You know, I know how love is. [under breath] I don’t, I
don’t know how love is.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] She really does, no, she really does. > Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] She’s studying.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] He’s very confused that you wanna choose this moment to ask this question, and that you have done so in such a roundabout way. I’m almost picturing Beta looking
at a notebook, like, sort of half looking at Millen while she’s asking this question.
[laughing]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] [laughing] Yeah, no, I’m making eye contact.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And he says - [ IC ] Now I think is maybe not the time. Once we’re - once we have some time to catch up, I can explain.
[ OOC ] And he starts gesturing at everybody to leave, to get out of the cave.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] I think Remy wants to make some finger guns at Millen, but that’s
it.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, he makes them back. You guys head outside. [ crowd noises intensify ]
[00:09:12] Stepping from the cave into the boathouse is very disorienting, as the ground goes from solid rock to rickety and swaying wet wood. You realize just how loud it is back in Nolaster. It is like total bedlam. You step outside, now, the boathouse. So you are fully outside now, you can see the city all along the horizon.
You are off the coast of the peninsula called Arbide. And you see the maze of piers that you crossed only a couple hours ago is now partially destroyed. And there’s debris just floating all in the water. Some of the larger boats that are in the marina are on fire, and the bay between Arbide and Gnöss is full of people trying to flee the city amidst a throwdown between the pirates, the Guard, freedom fighters, supporters of the Republic, and anyone else who has an interest in this fight, which, in Nolaster, is not a small number of people. So there are civilians trying to flee, there are people trying to take this opportunity to let their opponents know what’s up. You hear sirens from the mainland, and you see groups of people on the shore confronting one another. Some are holding signs, some are obviously holding weapons. And you can see, tiny in the distance, members of the Nolastrian Guard out in riot gear.
To the left as you exit is Millen’s boat. It is a long, low, flat, and wide matte-grey boat, with a semi-covered stern cockpit and two water-jet engines in the back. He rushes out along the pier and jumps in the back, and starts lowering the engines into the water, as Zeshdano begins to unlash the boat from the pier. Looking back towards the shore at Arbide, you can see, now, a small group of Nolastrian Guards, elbowing their way, moving quickly across the pier, just pushing past people trying to board their own ships, completely ignoring any vessels that are on fire, looking directly in your direction, and making as much of a beeline as they can considering that so many of the surroundings have been destroyed.
Millen looks at all of you and says - [ IC ] Time to go!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Remy pulls out his flute and starts tootling. [ playful flute ]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis is admiring the boat. [laughing] > Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] It’s a good-lookin’ boat.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] [whistles] Okay!
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, Remy’s tootling while Nolaster burns. [laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Vynos jumps onto the boat.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah, Merkis follows.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I mean, I think we’re all doing the same thing. [laughing] > Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, great. You all pile into the front of Millen’s long grey boat.
There are seats and handles all around the wide low bow cockpit, and you are off.
[ pulsing beat and boat engine noises ]
The boat springs out of the slip as Millen pushes the throttle forward. It is loud, and it is fast. It starts spraying water everywhere. It feels very light. And Millen is just zipping in and around all of the traffic in the Bay that is amidst the bayou. Between boats closing in on one another in pursuit, around floating debris from whatever destruction has found its way into the water. The edge of the wide Nolastrian Bay is in sight as he’s weaving his way through the fracas and the destruction and the commotion and all of the littered vessels around the water, when you hear a very loud thud.
[ crashing metal ]
You feel the boat jolt violently to the left, and Millen shouts as he tries to regain control. You all lose your balance a little bit. If Remy is busy tootling and not holding on, he falls down, just slightly, and you look behind you, and there is a tall skully-boat. A kind of repurposed fishing boat, clad in plate armor and adorned with flashing lights. The Nolastrian Guard has followed you.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Oh.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] It’s the po-po!
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Over a speaker, a voice says - [ IC] [ through a PA ] The captain of this ship and its passengers are wanted for questioning in the death of a guard’s person. Please dock at the nearest slip in Gnöss, or you will be immobilized, boarded, and detained.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Uh, Millen, I don’t know if you’ve uh, had a lotta experience with the law enforcement, but you should not pull into the nearest dock.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Millen looks at Oat, nods, and pushes the throttle a little bit further, and the boat just like, takes off forward. The Nolastrian Guard is hot on your tail though. It has a large gun in the front of it, it’s a kind of turret-looking thing that someone is standing behind.
As Millen is gaining some distance, you hear them start to [ cranking noise ] crank on that gun, you hear this loud kind of clicking, winching sound. And the person behind it, you know, fires it. You hear this loud crack [ crack of a machine launching a projectile ] followed by the “Foom!” of a large spear, a harpoon, that is very quickly sailing through the air at the back of Millen’s boat with a long length of rope attached to it being fed from a giant winch that’s on the deck in front of that gun.
Millen is going to roll to move in time. He does great, okay. Millen is very good at piloting his own boat. [ boat engine revs ] And he jerks the wheel and swerves out of the way, and he cuts between two other boats trying to lose the Nolastrian Guard, this boat that’s like, slightly bigger than the space that he just snuck through. And they just clip the other two boats. [ sound of boat collision ] They have this reinforced hull, and they are hot on your tail.
The Guard ship pursues, and it begins winching the line back in. Millen looks at all of you and he is, like, surveying the group. And he points at Merkis, and he looks at Zeshdano, and he says -
[00:15:02] [ IC ] You said he was the one that pilots things, right?
[ OOC ] And Zeshdano nods, and he says - [ IC ] Jalasti, get over here!
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] On it! [ OOC ] And he does a little cute, like, twirl, and puts a very authoritative foot up on the dashboard, with knee up, like, “Hell yeah, I got this.”
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] I’m just picturing Fred Durst, is that okay?
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Grabs the wheel. “All in it for the nookie, what’s up.” [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You don’t even let him, like, ask a question or anything, you just like, start piloting the boat.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] He just knows. [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] All right. Millen puts his hands up and looks at Zeshdano like “Wow.
All right, I guess.”
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] I think Remy’s gonna take this moment to gunch up. Put away his flute and then gunch up.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Did Remy take out his grenade launcher, or-? > Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, yeah yeah. I was - yeah.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Oh, okay. You still have that out, okay.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, so, y’know, Remy whispers to himself - [ IC ] [ whispering ]
She wasn’t even fuckin’ alive, man.
[ OOC ] Puts away his flute. Takes a second, pats himself down, looking through his pockets. He finds a bag of gunch. Dips a little pinky in. Does a little snort snort. [ sniffs ] And readies a grenade. So I guess I gotta pass a 7 REA check.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] As Beta sees Remy kind of starting up gunching, taking out his grenade launcher, she pulls Zeshdano and Millen kind of like, down into a crouching position.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] [ groans ]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, you’re all hunching in the covered cockpit. > Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Rolled a 6. [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You turn the little knob on the front of it, and there are some sparks that show up that spark between the two ends of the calipers. And then there’s like a weird little face, like a sad face that shows up on the screen. And it smells like burning ozone, but nothing happens.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Mm.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Millen looks at Beta and is like - [ IC ] Do you, do you need
something?
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Um, no, I don’t - I was just, you know, trying to protect- > Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Oh, you still want to know about the - I can’t
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] [sounds of protest]
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] It has to do with my research, I’ll tell you later. Hold on!
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Okay, okay.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And he starts to crawl towards the back of the ship, and he opens up a hatch, like in a storage container, and he pulls out something that looks like a giant mean spaghetti press. Like these two spiked wheels that touch one another, set inside these curved guards. The whole thing is attached to a pistol grip. And he holds it out behind him without looking, just waiting for someone to grab it.
[ music pauses ]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Mike, have you been hungry when you’ve been writing?
[laughing] The spaghetti monster, and-
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yes.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Everything is spaghetti!
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Always.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [laughing] ...pasta-minded here.
[ pulsing music resumes ]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Beta grabs the whatever-it-is.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, yeah. You have the thing. He doesn’t tell you what it is.
You now, at this point, hear another crack, [ crack of projectile ] twang, and foom. Merkis, another harpoon is coming towards the boat. If you have an appropriate skill, you can use it, for rock-side craft. Otherwise, I would just ask you to roll MOV.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I’m just gonna have to roll MOV. A 10. Oh, didn’t know this was gonna happen. ... That’s an 8.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, you succeed. You jerk the boat to the side. Yeah, tell me what happens, tell me what Merkis does.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] I think Merkis can, on an ultrasonic level, hear the incoming. > Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Ooh.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [laughing] Like he can hear the whistle of it moving through the air, and ever-so-slightly jerks to the opposite side so they don’t make any kind of contact.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] It misses by an inch, but Merkis knew that’s all you need. All you need is an inch.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah, yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You don’t need to do anything more than that. Then, from the storage container that he has his head shoved into, Millen produces something that looks like a shotgun, but instead of an open barrel on the end is something that looks like a very small CRT television. And he turns around, and he’s holding it, he’s cradling it in his arms. And he looks at Zeshdano, and he looks at Vynos, and he looks at Remy, and he looks at Zeshdano again, and Zeshdano looks at Vynos. And then Millen hands this thing to Vynos.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Okay. So it looks - [laughing] It’s a shotgun with a TV at the very tip of the barrel, is that what I’m hearing?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] Yeah, dude. [laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yep.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And when Millen hands it to you, he looks you in the eyes and he says - [ IC ] Only point this at water, okay?
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Understood.
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Okay. [ OOC ] There is another thwack, [ crack of projectile ] and a
twang, and a foom. Merkis, you gotta dodge another line.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [groans] Oh my gosh. All right. That’s a 5.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] There is a loud sound of punching metal [ metal crashing ] as the spear hits the back of Millen’s boat and embeds itself directly in between the two motors. You were very lucky that a motor was not destroyed, but now, the boat jerks to a halt. Or it, you know, slows down significantly as it reaches the line, and the Nolastrian Guard starts to winch it back in. Millen points at you Beta, and says - [ IC ] Cut the line! Cut the line! [ OOC ] And points at the thing that you’re holding, and points at the thick rope that’s attached to the end of the spear.
[00:19:54] > Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Beta runs over to the rope and - is it intuitive how to use this thing, or?
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] There’s two grinding wheels with a gap between them, and the gap is about the size of a big rope.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] [laughing]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Okay, well she puts the rope in the gap.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Roll COM.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] [laughing]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis is gritting his teeth and gunning it still, even though they’re stuck.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] [ making sounds of boat straining ]
[ music pauses ]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Can uh, can Remy put away his grenade launcher and roll a
cigarette?
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yeah, sure.
[laughing]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] What!?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] You just gunched!
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Where did you get a cigarette?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] I forgot, the cigarette increases the gunch high by thirty percent.
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Thanks for explaining that in game terms. > Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, Remy’s not concerned. I think he’s just like - [ IC ] Yeah, [mumbling] they probably got it. They got some gadgets, this guy seems like he’s prepared. Let’s smoke one. [ OOC ] And he offers one to Zeshdano.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] She says [ IC ] Nah, I quit. > Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] I got 8.
[ pulsing music resumes, motorized sawing noises ]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You successfully detach the very thick rope from the back of this tall, menacing-looking spear. It looks like just a piece of pipe that someone has welded a kind of bronze pyramid onto the top of.
[ sawing subsides ]
And the winch starts pulling the line back to the Nolastrian Guard. You now also have - you know, Millen’s boat has a new accessory.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, free spear.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Free spear. Millen goes over to the cockpit and muscles Merkis out of the way and retakes the wheel. He is headed north, he now pushes it even harder. He’s headed north out of the Bay towards an inlet that is gonna be too skinny for the Guard ship, which also has too much draw.
And actually, as you get closer and closer and closer you realize that it doesn’t look like there’s anyone in the inlet that he’s going into. And it looks like actually it gets really shallow very quickly. Like it gets grassy, like in the way that swamps do. And suddenly you realize why Millen’s boat is so wide and so shallow; the draw is probably like a quarter of an inch. Like, it can probably float in a puddle.
The Nolastrian Guard is still behind you.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Vynos knows that there’s one rule for this particular weapon. > Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Yep.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] You can only point it at water. Vynos sees water behind his boat and in front of the next boat. He points it at the water about ten feet in front of that boat, and pulls the trigger.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Roll COM.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Oh!
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Nice.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Oh, I’ll burn 6.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] As you do this, Millen looks at you like, kind of impressed that he just handed you this thing and now you’re just using it without any further question.
[laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Well, Vynos likes using his shotgun. Doesn’t always like what he
does with it, but it’s always necessary.
[laughing]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Damn!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] He gets an 8.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You pull the trigger, [ clicking noise, high-pitched CRT whining ] and there is kind of reverse recoil. It feels like something is trying to pull this - gun? - out of your hands, forward, towards the direction that you are firing it. And there is a high-pitched whine, and a soft click, and for the first time you notice that there’s a readout on the side of the gun, and the readout has a number on it, and the number is 2, and it clicks down to 1, and suddenly, the gun is no longer being tugged upon by some unseen force, and the water in front of the boat, where you aimed the gun, begins to rain up.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Mm.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You see fish flying far into the sky, disappearing into the clouds. You see a hole that quickly forms in the Bay, a circular dark absence of water. And now, flying dirt and debris and rocks and wreckage from, presumably, the bottom of the Bay. As the Guard ship crosses its threshold, it is picked up, and part of it is lifted and tilted upwards, and it begins to crack as two equal and opposite gravities fight one another as it crosses the threshold of where you fired this gun.
The guards on board all shout and abandon ship. They jump overboard as the boat begins to float fully upward into this inverted zone that you’ve made, and follows the lengths of chain and the rusted wreckage that came before it, and goes through a cloud and vanishes into the sky.
Millen pushes forward on the throttle as hard as he can, and you make it into the swamp after a couple seconds, and away from the fracas.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Wow.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Remy takes a big drag and says -
[ pulsing music fades away, replaced with gentle piano ]
[ IC ] I wonder what would happen if you did that on land?
[laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Vynos looks at the weapon with a lot of appreciation and wonder, and pats it, like a good old friend and dog, and puts it by his side. He’s gonna keep this.
[laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Millen says - like, he sees you take a shine to it, and he’s like - [ IC ] That’s yours. You can - that’s, uh-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] That’s highly illegal, right? That thing? > Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Yeah.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] That’s not-
[00:24:52] > Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be riding around with that anyways. It’s a skunkworks project, we’re never gonna make another one of them, for obvious reasons. So, uh, yeah, just - just, um, don’t point it at a person, because if you invert a gravity of only half a body, it’s not something that you want to see.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Maybe not something *you* wanna see. [laughing]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] And Beta goes over to Vynos and is like - [ IC ] Yeah, you should see what happens when I point this thing at water! [ OOC ] And she’s talking about the weird gear thing.
[laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] It makes a sound like those things that you use to shine shoes. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] [ makes light power tool noise ]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] You really don’t wanna see it.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] [ makes light power tool noise ]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] [laughing] Yes, you’re right, Beta. You wouldn’t want to cross us two on a darkened alley, would you? You’d cut their rope and I would turn them inside out! [laughing]
[laughing]
[ ad music begins ]
> Molly Templeton / “Artemis”: [ IC ] Ad break, beginning.
[ OOC ] Hello, Molly Templeton, the voice of Artemis here, to tell you about another digital assistant we love. Liz Anderson’s podcast Paired is told from the point of view of Pairy, a digital assistant trying to help all manner of messy humans through their lives. This includes in the most recent episode a character portrayed by Jenn de la Vega herself! Like Fun City, Paired tries to find a little hope in the absurdity of the weird techno-future. And, honestly, we’re all huge fans! Episodes are short, the guests are great, jokes are good, and insights are real. We’ll put a link in the show notes, or you can go listen to Paired wherever you get regular dispatches from your various fictional digital assistants.
[ IC ] Ad break, over. Thank you for listening. [ ad music ends ]
[ quiet pulsing music begins ]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Millen’s boat disappears into the tall grass of the bayou. The crew leaves the fighting behind them, and several meters into the swamp, hears an impossibly loud splash as the Guard ship returns from the heavens.
Millen goes slowly, careful to keep the engines quiet. It will be a day or two journey, as they take the roundabout creeks and rivers west to the Dark Sea coast. On the first night, they all sleep in the boat, shrouded in a thicket of plants and taking shifts on watch. On the second day, they follow a winding creek through forest land, and see only a few other seemingly-oblivious travelers. They sleep on the banks of the water.
That night, Vynos has a long, animated discussion with the boat, and Millen explains to Beta: he can’t be seen in Graffa because of his work. His research involves a kind of aberrantly co-spatial physics particular to Kakudun, the bending and warping of distance, which would make him of great interest to pirates concerned principally with logistics.
When the crew arrives at the Dark Sea coast, Millen begs Zeshdano to not go. But she doesn’t listen. In a stern, tearful goodbye, he tells her to meet him in the sea villages north when she’s done. He floats away, his boat difficult to track in the whitecaps of the water.
Zeshdano brokers passage to Graffa on a rickety ship from a small port town. The pirates there talk about how there’s a price on her head. And how they really oughta just collect her and turn her into the Guard. The subject matter is serious, but everyone, including Zeshdano, is laughing. She pays them, and everyone boards the dingy ship.
It’s a few hours west to Graffa, which can be seen plainly from the shore. It’s a tall island, an elevated plateau in the middle of the Dark Sea, easily twice the height of the main continent. From the shore you can see the bright yellow rock of its sides, housing untold storehouses and labyrinthine passageways, carved above sea level and deep, deep into the planet’s mantle long before the pirates called it home.
The crew arrives. They disembark and are vouched for by the captain and mate of the ship. Ancient sturdy stairs grafted onto the side of Graffa’s rock pedestal lead them up to the city itself, which looks like a multilevel derelict traders’ town. An ancient bazaar city. Dense and bustling. Not unlike Nolaster, but with an unmistakable air of provocation. A smirking kind of trouble.
[ music fades away ]
[ sounds of bustling city crowds ]
[00:29:47] > Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano leads you to the front door of an apartment in a small alleyway in this dense city. There’s ornate blue-green tile work all along the exterior of the bottom floor of this building, but other than that it appears no different from the hundreds of other buildings that you just walked past. She knocks loudly on the door, and waits for a second. She looks at the rest of you and she says - [ IC ] Call him Shandy.
[ OOC ] And then, she shouts - [ IC ] Shandy! It’s Zesh. We have to talk.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] And, at that point, a number of things happen at once. You hear a human child speaking in a Kakudunais language you probably don’t know, asking about cookies, and have you brought them.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [gasps]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] And you hear a bunch of Wetan children asking in Rasp languages, which again, you don’t speak, about essentially the Wetan equivalent of cookies, which would just be like a kind of trash to you.
[laughing]
And four very large, very well-armed Wetan pirates - so, Big Drink Wranglers, they have cork hats, they have all of the traditional markings of pirates, completely undisguised - open the door, all sort of at once. Because, you know, Wetans are very tall, but they don’t occupy a lot of space, because their limbs are very skinny. So they’re kind of like in between each other, the way kittens puddle. But they’re kind of a wall of bodyguards coming at you to search you. And they’re very obviously just trying to tell: Is this some kind of threat? Like, are you rival gang member pirates trying to hurt them, or are you here for any other reason?
So, presuming that you don’t react in an incredibly violent way, they just kind of look you over, decide you look weird, but not the most threatening people they’ve ever seen, and they retreat. And they’re all mumbling in Rasp, and Wetans sound very human when they speak human languages, but they speak through their spiracles, through the holes in their legs. So you hear sort of what sounds like some of the same accents you heard in Nolaster, but coming up, you know, from their boots.
Like - [ IC ] [ outer boroughs accent ] Yeah, I don’t know. Just more deliveries. Whatever, boss.
[laughing]
And, after a moment, another, different Wetan comes down and says - [ IC ] [ higher outer
boroughs accent ] Okay, are you here to see the Pirate King, Grand Shandy? > Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And Zeshdano nods and says - [ IC ] Yes, we are. > Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] [ enthusastically ] Shandy!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Shandy, yes, Shandy!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right, no, we - I know his name, he’s my boss. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Oh, right, yes.
[laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] And no one has cookies for any of the children? > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Do they like gunch?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh... N- no.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] I’m so sorry for him. I - he’s a good person. [laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Remy feels extremely at home in this weird bad city. This is the first time he’s felt like, safe.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes, he’s-
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Beta’s in her bag right now.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] He’s had some gunch incidents.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] And just has a couple of like, nuts and bolts that she sometimes throws in her mouth, and she looks at them, and he puts them back in her bag.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] This Wetan just kind of waits for you all to look through your things, and talk about, you know, various other things that are not cookies, and then - [ IC ] Ah, I’ll take that as a no.
[ OOC ] And he says - [ IC ] Come, come with me, it’s up a couple flights. And just, you know, act calm. No weapons out. And we will treat you with the respect that you show us as the ruling force in this neighborhood - being Sawpockets, the lowermost of the pirate-controlled Escape, which is, you know, this side of the island. You don’t look like you’re from here - just, again, you’re meeting a Pirate King, so, uh - you know, whatever that means to you.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] [laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Technically, we’re Wetans, it’s a different- but, you know what
I mean. Uh, you get the- the- ... What’s the word? Um...
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Shandy!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh, yeah, you get the shandy, you get the shandy. [ doors creaking ]
[ OOC ] The house is very lively. You’re in what seems to be someone’s- like, a couple linked apartments with Wetan families. However, there are a number of human children as well. All of the adults seem very heavily-armed, but very relaxed. And many are probably smoking cigarettes or chewing anchfly - they’re chewing a live wriggling kind of caterpillar that gets you a little buzzed. And yeah, the various children are basically trying to pickpocket you, like, incessantly. Like, asking you for things and being really cute, but like, just, hands going into whatever aperture you have down there. And the bodyguard who did not give his name wants you to come all the way up, basically, to the top.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis respectfully harpoons the ground as if there was a umbrella-holder of some sort by the door. But it makes this like, twanging sound [ twang ] as if an arrow had landed. But it’s threatening enough that the children back away.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Wait, did Merkis - Merkis brought the harpoon with him? That’s amazing.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Absolutely did.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, that’s - Merkis is hard now. Merkis is so hard now.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] He’s a man!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] I forgot that whole time travel thing - really, y’all like went- > Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I think Remy’s just letting the kids try and get stuff. But, he warns them not to- he says - [ IC ] Don’t touch the katana, ‘cause if you touch that you might die. [ OOC ] ‘Cause it’s just unsheathed.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yeah, and don’t uh- don’t touch my Wetan arm, because also, you might die. And not because it’s cool-
[laughing]
Because I don’t know what it’s gonna do.
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Still not used to it, huh?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] It’s been -
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] It’s only been three days!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] You know, it hasn’t been a lot.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I mean, it’s been grafted to you. You nearly-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Okay, I hear you.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Never mind. It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault. > Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] I’ll take a note!
[00:35:00] > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] It’s not your fault.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] I’ll take a note.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] It’s fine.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Right before I meet a Pirate King you give me this. [laughing]
Right before I meet a Pirate King, this is what you say to me?
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Here, I got some rope if you want to just strap it down?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] So, as you go up, you pass kind of, dwelling, and you enter into an open scullery and kitchen, and there’s a Wetan who’s fairly tall, middle-aged for a Wetan - you can tell, like, you’re getting a little older, if you’ve seen a lot of the Big Drink Wranglers - who’s pink, with sort of bright orange on the dorsal, or whatever, the inside. And the outside’s kind of a dark blue, very spiny. And he’s got the nicest cork stuff you’ve seen so far. And has the most children around him.
[ kitchen sounds: shuffling dishes, knives hitting cutting boards ]
And is apparently trying to teach them to bake something that looks like sort of if you had kelp and grits and tried to make like, a chocolate cake? And is explaining it in Rasp. And as you’re coming up, he’s muttering - [ IC ] [ in an Irish brogue ] Electrolytes. You’ll be wanting electrolytes. [ OOC ] Kind of vaguely at Oat. And, maybe says the word in a few languages. And then settles on - [ IC ] No, I believe the word for you might be electrolytes, son. You’ll need more for your limb, your digits. They’re not communicating properly.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Oh!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] You must drink more, um, uh- sugar water, basically. What we
would do, you know.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Gatorade!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Oh, hey, twist my arm. [laughing] Okay, and thank you. [laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right, grand, all right, uh- children-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Wait, do you...? Do you have like, a pouch or something? Is there a- uh- That’s rude. I’m sorry. What am I talking about? I’m actually a very good guest. If you see me at a wedding- I’m sorry-
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano is looking at you like-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] I’m nervous, I’m babbling! Shandy, Shandy!
> Other players: [ IC ] [repeating] Shandy, Shandy, Shandy.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right. Correct. Yes. Yeah, Steady Hand Dealer, but most
people just call me the Grand Shandy. I don’t know how rhyming slang happens to work in your language. Whatever I’m saying, if it happens to rhyme, that’s a lucky coincidence that it also rhymes in your language.
[laughing]
[ IC ] It rhymes really well in Rasp. It’s really, really quite smart.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] I feel like everything would rhyme in Rasp. It seems like- I feel like every word ends in a [rasping noise].
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Well, it’s six-dimensional, because you can rhyme with the pheremones, and- it doesn’t matter.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Oh, I didn’t think of that, yes, yes, okay, no, that’s great!
[laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh, yeah, so- and the children, let them depart. Except, yes, Rashi, you never leave. [ OOC ] And one human child just like, stands stock-still, is like, not acting like the others, just like, next to this very tall, aging Wetan. And he looks around his kitchen and sort of- is gonna offer you something and then sort of skips, and says- [ IC ] Zesh, Zeshdano, uh, what brings you here? To my home, in these times of turmoil, I’ve heard from our runners, our fastest boats say there might be a bit of trouble back where I believe you lay your head typically.
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Uh, yeah. About that. Um- I mean, I don’t know what you heard, so I don’t wanna tell you the whole story, if you’ve already heard it. But if you take my word for it, someone tried to kill me. This man was very kind, to great cost to himself and his friends, he managed to save my life, but someone sent the Guard to find me, and presumably them, to frame them for the hit. They found Boo - I don’t know if you know Duubuuli Restuulna - but, they found one of yours, a pirate, dead in my apartment. He was the one that was trying to kill me.
And, you know, I mean: you know how things are. The Guard shows up, they find some Fleeters in a room with a dead pirate, and then- and then Canary showed up, and he saw the Guard, some Fleeters, and his dead friend Boo... We managed to get out of there, but not before Nolaster turned into basically a war zone. And I’m afraid that’s just gonna spread like a festering wound from the center of the continent.
And I’m here to just say, I know someone’s got your ear, and I know they’re tellin’ you to release the guns, and that you can charge an arm and a leg for ‘em. And I’m here in person, I didn’t send a courier, I didn’t send a boat, I didn’t send- just me, and my friends - who actually, I’ve only known for a couple days, but they’re good people - to ask you to not. To ask you to just keep honoring the deal. And to not arm these people who want to kill one another.
[00:39:17] > Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] He comforts Zeshdano and says - [ IC ] Typically, when you bake a pie of various sea organisms that need to be heated, you must heat it exactly the right temperature for exactly the right amount of time. There’s a sort of peak, when
the fibers break down and the volatile chemicals become aromatic, as it were. And then beyond that peak, it becomes - [ OOC ] And Grand Shandy takes off one of his gun bandoliers and just hands it to Zeshdano and says - [ IC ] leather. Uh, and, unfortunately for you, you’ve put me in a bit of a situation. And not just me, because I’m merely the Holder of the Cork Sword, and thus, Ruler of the Dark Seas, but in reality, you might call the Pirate King more a position like, “warlord”, or “boss of the pyramid scheme”.
[laughing]
Meaning, it’s a house of crackers below that could fall at the merest whiff of trouble. So you’ve put me in a situation of having to, right when the market is hottest, and guns are most in dire need of supply, and me having all the supply, have to go back to all of my lieutenants, and their lieutenants, and so on, and so forth, down to the little children we have, uh, you know, running around stealing for us - uh, did I say that out loud? Um, we have to tell them: No guns, sorry, no can do. And eat that potential profit, and just not make it. Just goes away.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] And you’re saying: The guns are the shrimp, in the shrimp cake?
[laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Exactly.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I didn’t- I don’t think he said shrimp, but yeah, I take the point.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano looks at Grand Shandy-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] [under his breath] Guns are the shrimp...?
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And says - [ IC ] I understand, I understand. What if I told you this: What if I told you this is exactly what someone wants to happen?
[ OOC ] And she looks at all the rest of you, like, you know, “This is the thing we were just talking about in the boat house, right?” And she looks at Grand Shandy and she says - [ IC ] What if the only reason the conflict exists as it does right now, the fighting that’s currently happening, is only because someone who is much more powerful than the rest of us wanted that to happen? And not because this is what the people who are on Kakudun want? I mean, I know in a sense it’s what they want, but like, you know, it’s complicated.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Not *us*. We do not want it to happen, and I want to be very clear that it’s not us who want it to happen.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] That was my first question, so thank you... whatever your name is. For clearing that right up.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] [laughing] Beta Commbot, very nice to meet you Shandy.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] The Grand Shandy, yes, it’s a title, thank you. Nice to meet
you-
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] The Grand Shandy. [ OOC ] And she, uh, curtsies. > Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] He... does arm things.
[laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And she gestures to the rest of the crew, and she says - [ IC ] I’ll let them tell it how they want to tell it, but what I understand is that the Saffron Anax put them up to killing me. Or put them up to come and find me, so that someone else could frame them for my murder. Because he’s got some interest in this. I don’t - I haven’t put it together, and frankly, I don’t know that I ever will. I just want to stop what’s currently unfolding from unfolding further.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, I mean, you know the- you know the fucking Company. Like, they set us up, we’re Fleeters. They’re definitely setting you up, you’re not even Fleeters.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes, we-
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] That- For what?
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I mean, money? I don’t know, I mean, the Company owns so much stuff, but they’re always looking to get their noses in another little burrow. Little truffle pigs, goin’ for the truffles.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] We don’t know how far the corruption has spread in the Company, but we know of one man, Archivist Chragcht, he’s working with this Saffron Anax, to supply guns and weapons to your planet. Weapons for war. And in order for to them to do that, they needed to do two things. One, remove Zeshdano herself, who was impeding this trade. They’ve done that. While framing us for it, as well. And also implicating you, your pirates, and everyone else. When you release your guns, you will start the war. And when the war is started, they will have a market for the large weapons they wish to sell.
[ OOC ] Vynos gives him the document filled with the type of weapons he’s talking about. [ IC ] These are not cattle prods and bimble-whippets and whirley-doos and little guns with nets that shoot at people and bind them up like in a children’s movie.
[laughing]
These are real guns. Guns that could destroy cities. These are the guns that they wish to sell. You are their patsy, and we are as well.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah. I just, I do want to point out that as far as us getting set up, and you getting set up, we got set up because we got blackmailed for- I guess it doesn’t really matter what happened, but we got blackmailed here, and we’re-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] We were somewhere where you shouldn’t be, yes.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] That’s the only reason we’re here, like it’s not that deep.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] What we know is that Boo was somehow used as a tool. Do you have any recollection of how - of Boo saying anything or doing anything that would make you believe that he was out to kill Zeshdano?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh, Boo? No, no, I don’t know Boo too well. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Oh.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] But um, quite possible - I should explain, there are factions within the pirates.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] We’re not all of one mind. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Well, yes, naturally.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] And, obviously, I can understand what you’re saying, that you want to avoid massive unnecessary bloodshed, which is bad for business and uh- maybe unethical would be the word, in your language? However, there are those that want to accelerate it, you might call them accelerationists. And there exists this belief, probably where you just were, out in The Jash, among some of their peoples, and the same here, you’ll find some of the pirates even believe we’d be better off, were Thwoolf to march on Hauktik and the other southeastern nations, and start a war that would encompass the whole continent.
[00:44:50] Why? Well, for a couple of reasons: logistically, we’re positioned not on the continent, but *off* the continent, and secondly, we have all of the guns. And so that puts us in a rather good place to sell them on our ships, which again, not actually within range of their current weapons. So, the accelerationists have a point there. I am sympathetic with all of you, that I don’t want all this unnecessary fighting and killing and whatnot. You know, there’s lines and then there’s lines. There’s fighting and then there’s fighting. And it’s one thing if it’s a couple of mates at a bar, and there’s a disagreement. And one of those mates needs to have one of his limbs removed. [ OOC ] And he points at Oat. [ IC ] This happens all of the time. It’s perfectly ordinary society. We’ll never get rid of it, probably.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yeah. It’s normal, it’s fine.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] It’s totally fine. But, destroying cities? Can I take a look at this, in a little more depth? I’d like to, you know, do my due diligence and whatnot. [ OOC ] And his hands are- looking at whatever Vynos offers him.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis sucks in his teeth, and is looking at the ceiling and thinking out loud - [ IC ] Say, say you release and sell these guns, and you deplete the stash. And everyone on Kakudun murders each other. And you’re left here. What’s going to stop the Saffron Anax and Chragcht from going after you.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Um, well this is quite a far-fetched scenario that you’re asking me to buy into, but that would be a bad outcome, I agree, I agree. [laughing] No questions about that.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Hey, look, Grand Shandy. I’ve only known these people for like, a couple of weeks, I think. But you know, since I’ve joined up with them, I’ve seen shit that would turn your hair white. What they’re saying is true. All this is a setup. Someone has been designing and moving the pieces to make this exact thing happen, and to put you exactly in the position that you describe, and I’m guessing you’re not in on it. And if you’re not in on it, I don’t think you’re gonna benefit from seeing their plans come to fruition. It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] But hey, if you are, like, you should tell us, so we’re, you know- > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Well, if he is, he’s not gonna tell us, but-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Well, I mean, but he should. He should!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Right, okay.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I just want to say that.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] It would be nice, if you were in on it, if you would tell us. Just-
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, it’s-
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] I’m not in on it, I’m not in on it. The entire-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Cards on the table, here, man. Like, we’re being honest, we’re being open, we’re communicating... Can I gunch up in here?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Yeah, sure, go ahead. Look, um- my question is... All right, let’s say let’s walk down a theoretical road. There it is, it’s a beautiful path. Maybe there’s some birds on one side, and they’re hissing at some rats on the other. Why? They’re brain rats. The rats with the exposed brains, that are colony organisms, that can control your mind?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] Yeah, yeah.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Birds hate them. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes, yes.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Anyway-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Dime a dozen.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] Oh, yeah.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] We’ve all seen this scenario. Yes, go on.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I have not, but I will go along as though I have. Yes.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Metaphorically, we’re walking down this path, with us. And we don’t want to sell the guns. But we have all the guns somewhere beneath Graffa, that only Zeshdano, myself, and a couple of my trusted mates know about. What would you like me - or this theoretical person who has all these guns, anyway - to do with them? In this theoretical scenario. We’re just walking down the road, having a chat. We’re not necessarily going there, we’re taking about going there.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] The safest thing to do would be to destroy the weapons that you possess. If that can’t be done, then the only thing we can ask is that you keep them locked away. So that the war cannot start.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Or we could use them to murder people. I think that’s the other option. > Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Or...
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] We don’t need thousands of guns to murder people, we could do that with our minds.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] I think-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Maybe you can- yeah, Vynos-
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] *You* can do it with *your* mind-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, that doesn’t go for everybody.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Um-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Well, what about you, you have nanites that could do it. > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, but that’s not my mind, that’s like other-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] It’s scarier than anything I could do.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano puts her hands up in a “shush, shush” motion, and she looks at Grand Shandy and she says - [ IC ] I am prepared to continue paying rent, as it were, on the space that is used to store the guns indefinitely. And if you see this turn of events as reason to increase the amount of our agreement, I find that to be amenable. I don’t know how high I could go. I will be honest, I do not know if I will be able to offer you more money in the long run than you would get from selling them directly, but, as you said, which is the more ethical path to walk
down?
[00:49:37] > Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right. Well, um, in this metaphorical little ramble we’re taking, say there’s a couple of gents on either of our shoulders, larger than us, with weapons already happened just to be pointed, just as friends do, at our backs. And we do this thing that they don’t want us to do, because they can, to your point, make more money doing what they want to do, and selling the guns.
In this case, it might be expedient for you to help me remove their weapons. So that doing what you say wouldn’t just result in my being deposed as Pirate King, which is not, like, a lawful proceeding. You’re not called into a boardroom. There’s not votes-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Right, yes.
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] I would guess it’s much messier than that.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Are we getting pitched? We’re getting pitched.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] It is actually called the messy-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Hey, y’all, we’re getting pitched. He’s pitching us.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I mean, look, if you want us to do stuff, we’re pretty good at doing stuff. Up to and including murder.
[laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] He’s saying he’ll turn the other way if we destroy the guns, but he can’t be responsible, and he can’t hold onto the guns much longer or else the people underneath him will take his... little... antennae, and put ‘em in his holes and things like that.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Slow down there, hero. Before we get to the guns - > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Oh, right, well...
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] There’s actually the removal of the weapons pointed at me, both metaphorically and probably in real physical reality as soon as I step out the door.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] You might see here that we practice what we used to call “the
old way” and now we might call “the trade”.
[ OOC ] And he points at the human child next to him. And he says - [ IC ] The trade is the only way, according to the old way, that two warlords can ever truly be at peace, which is when they’re bearing equal, opposite arms at each others’ faces. So they trade the ultimate weapons, ready to fire at any moment. Their own bearings. So, uh, this child you can see here is not my child, being human, and I would like you to recover my children from my chief rival among the
pirates, who is more allied with the plutarchs of Gaziom - anyway, she’s probably the second most important of the pirates here in Graffa. And if you do that, it’ll be a lot easier for me to convince the council of other various warlords and what-not - brain rats, some of them, we forgive them - and do what you like, and not sell the guns. If you don’t do that, then I’m risking literally my own flesh and blood.
So, that’s what I’d ask you to do. I would do it myself, of course, but it would involve an army of pirates shooting at another army of pirates, and you look like you all might be helpful in this regard.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] And a bit more flexible! [ OOC ] And Merkis flexes.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano’s like - [ IC ] You’re asking us to kidnap... your own
children?
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Kidnap kids! Kids-nap!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] They’re eggs - they’re not born yet.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Rescue.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Yeah, sure, sure.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] To rescue your children!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] So here’s a question that we have- that, personally- I don’t know, I can’t speak for anybody else, clearly. I mean, you’ve seen this, I can’t speak for them!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] You cannot.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] No, no, and I wouldn’t presume. However: how much murder are we
allowed to do?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] All the murderin’ you want, except not my friend. You can’t-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Okay, yeah, okay, great, yeah, we can do that, yeah, we got this, yeah, this is easy. It’s cake!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right. Sure. Grand. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Who’s your friend?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Her name’s Théyé. Théyé, she’s the most powerful pirate, other than the Cork Sword Holder.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis’s eyes are glassy, and you can hear a tiny violin. [ tiny mournful violin ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] I’m sorry, we’ve been on a boat for three days with nobody else to talk to.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] They’re not born yet?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] No, no, they’re eggs. Uh, they will be born-
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] [gasps]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] When they’re taken out of the coolerator.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Oh yeah, he loves eggs. He loves eggs.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] No, he flashes back to when his branch of eggs was taken from Darusan by the Co. And the violin music, he’s just like [ exaggerated gasp ] re-triggered.
[laughing]
[ violin ends ]
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] We must save the eggs!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] So he’s on board!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes. Would you like us to bring back this little human as well, and make a trade, or just take the eggs and come back.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] No, no. That would be removing my weapon at the back. It’s like if we have arms that were stretchy, and could go behind each others’ backs, with the weapons.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] I see. Okay. > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Mm.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] I see.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] So, I want mine to remain in place with the weapon. And I want you to gingerly remove without hurting Théyé, because, at the end of the day, not only is she an important cog in the whole machine, you know, that I know how to maneuver. The cog goes one way, or the other way, whatever. If there’s an unknown unknown, then I can’t promise you that I can protect the guns. So, that’s important. And second of all, she’s a mate. So, don’t kill her. But-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] But kill everybody under her.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh, well, you don’t have to kill anybody! But sure, you can kill
everyone, just don’t kill her. And the child stays here with me. And you bring the eggs here. And then I have all the cards. And then the guns stay underneath Graffa, and no one knows about them except probably some brain rats who heard our thoughts.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] You know, I hate doing stuff for the greater good. I don’t like it, it’s complicated, it’s confusing. But, I don’t see any other option! So I guess I’m in.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Yes, is there some way that pirates do promises? > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, how do you-?
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] So we can be sure that the guns will stay here after your children are returned?
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Pinky?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Sure, yeah, I’ve got a couple of ‘em. [ OOC ] And he offers his
arm-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] We could simultaneously do- we don’t have to, we could do something else. We could, like-
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] I want to do the pirates’ promise.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] No, no, no, I want to do the thing where you like, you spit or you cut
your hand and you just like - “Yeah!”
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano looks at the Grand Shandy and says - [ IC ] I think this is a roundabout way of saying we agree. I imagine this is not going to be easy.
[00:54:49] > Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Well, it depends. It’s probably not something that she’s expecting, because we’ve been in a good state up until now. Both making money off holding the guns. And various other licit and illicit activities, as you’d imagine, being pirates. But at this point, she might be on more of a watch, and yeah, certainly if you’re caught, you’ll be facing a pirate’s home guard, in essence, if you break in. I can tell you she does live in a large mansion, it’s fairly isolated from the rest of Graffa, in the poshest district. It’s called Sadman Beach. It’s an artificial beach at the top of the dunes that the rich built, they brought in all this sand, just so it could sort of rain down, so people could look up and see a beach above them, like the beach below. But uncluttered by houses and litter and dead people and whatnot.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] [laughing] Ooh, fancy.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Yeah, Sadman Beach. > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Well, that’s very nice!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Well, uncluttered for now!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Well, right, you’re gonna-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] That’s a threat, that’s a threat. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, you get me.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right. I like this one.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] He’s the only one who really looks forward to killing people, I just want you to know. We’re going to try not to, I think, the rest of-
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Yeah, yeah.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Well, we could sneak, but when it’s time, you know...
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Right.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] He’s hungry, I think. He’s probably hungry. He eats people.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, yeah.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Oh.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, you got any-? I mean, if you got any, like, stuff in the back, like, let me know. That’s cool.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] I mean, not here! This is- there’s children here! But no, yes, I know what you-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] No, I don’t eat ch- I mean, I would, but I don’t. I mean, if anyone touched the sword that was at the door that was mine and they may have died, that’s fair game, I guess.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Uh, Shandy, is there any type of special care we need to take with these eggs? Say, once we retrieve them? Could we just put ‘em in our bag? Sorry, I don’t have much experience handling eggs, so, I guess that’s showing.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Uh, that is a fair question. They’re fairly robust, being eggs for a Wetan. So, they’re about yay big, pill-shaped, grey leather. And you could drop ‘em, it’s probably not good for what’s inside.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Mhm.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] There’s eight of them. And they’ll be in the small box that keeps them cool. It’s fairly simple. It has some sort of fan, and some sort of coolant liquid. Very expensive, I’m told. But I know Théyé would have, you know, spent whatever coin was necessary. And that’s about all I can tell you. Haven’t named ‘em yet. I have a list.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] Yeah!
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] But yeah, get them back soon as you can, and we’ll have it all sorted. And if you want to do a real pirate’s promise, we can drink some kaleido-gin, which is just gin that when you drink it, it’s metabolized in the liver in such a way that it creates kaleidoscopic crystals on part of your chitin, or um, if you don’t have chitin, keratin. I guess your skin, as it were. And you’ll just have sort of a kaleido-patch. And it’s permanent, and it seals the deal.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yes! Yes!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Wait, skin or fingernails, because keratin and skin and, you know,
different stuff.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Your majesty, give me skin drink!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] Well, I think we should all do it, it’s the only way to-
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] [hesitantly] Okay...
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] I agree.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] -ensure that the guns remain where they are.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Wait, wait, one question: How cool does it look?
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] It’s a kaleidoscope! Of course it’s cool.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yes! Very cool!
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I have aesthetic concerns! Anyway, yeah, let’s do it, let’s do it. [laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] He also- he does have another thought, which is, if- he has something that he’s never figured out- he doesn’t know how to use. Like, he knows what it does. He just doesn’t think it’s that useful to him. And he’s willing to give it to you to just aid you in this venture, if you want. And it’d just be a sort of a bonus for doing him a solid. He says he’ll explain it, but it’s a little weird, and he thinks it might be useful in breaking and entering, but it’s a little dangerous.
And he pulls out a little pillbox, which has exactly five pills inside. They look like lead tablets. And he calls them “subterrine pills”. And he explains that if you eat one, for the next 6.67 Terrasol minutes exactly, you will move through anything solid that is not water, basically, is not water or water soluble, as if it is liquid, and then water normally. So you will drop right through, like, a house, you will cause some structural damage, you’ll leave kind of a hole. And if you don’t stop yourself by hitting water, you will just go down and down into the crust.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Into the magma.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] Yeah, eventually. I mean, I don’t know how long- probably, probably.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] Wow.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Would blood work? Like, if you hit- if you exploded a guy and then
you hit that, would that work?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] It would need to be enough volume of blood to actually stop the momentum of your body-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] So it would be like, a couple guys. > Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] Yeah, it would be like, a lot. [laughing]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Oh, that’s cool.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] Some people use them for B&Es here, and uh, they usually don’t succeed. But, here we are. I have a few on me, and frankly I was just going to chuck ‘em at the brain rats. You know, try to hit ‘em in the little... brain.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Oh, actually- you got some of those rats around, huh? You got a couple?
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] They live underneath Graffa, yeah.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, but do you have like, a cage of them? Could- What I’m askin’ is, if we wanted to take one in, feed it one of these fuckin’ pills, and then just drop it through the ceiling, could we do that?
[laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] You well could, you’d have to find brain rats...
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Oh, I thought you- I assumed you had some. I-
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] And just so you understand- Oh, no no. We are in their cage, to them. You know, they’re-
[laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Oh, far be it- I assumed you were the master of this domain, I- [laughing]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I’m sorry I was wrong. [laughing]
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ IC ] I’m the most powerful warlord on Graffa, it’s a difference, it’s uh-
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] Yeah, what if we borrowed one of those ki- > Nick / “Vynos”: [ IC ] [resigned] No.
[00:59:58] > Shannon / “Beta”: [ IC ] Beta grabs the pills and puts them in her bag, along with all her other pills.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] There we are. So, I think during this talk, probably before he gives you the pills, and thus before you drink the kaleido-gin, he produces- he has one of his runners fetch a map. And this is primitive lamination, like maybe, 1930’s kind of plastic to us. So it’s kind of rolled up or scrunched up, but it’s like a big map of the city. And he’s marked a bunch of stuff up, and then tried to un-mark it, because this city’s being rebuilt all the time. And also, you know, the tides come in, the tides come out, rocks fall, mysterious rocks sometimes appear.
And he has clearly indicated Sadman Beach, and shows that at the south end of Sadman Beach is a very low, long kind of ranch style beautiful what we might call postmodern house. It’s got large, glassy front doors, three of them, and a little back door. And other than that it looks fairly secure, so it’s got a lot of small windows that are thick, and lock. And it’s got low pitched roofs, and it looks out onto the dunes, so there’s just dunes behind it, with a little gate. And then the front is all hedges, with like, a little gazebo inside. And then high walls. And the walls empty out onto this main street, this main avenue that runs through Sadman Beach.
And he says - [ IC ] This right here is Sleepmonger House. Sleepmonger House is one of the poshest houses in all of Graffa, and is now home to my mate Théyé, whom I want you to steal whatever you can from, and kill all the guards if you want. Just don’t kill her. Can I underline that for you? She’s a mate. She’ll have Fex guards with her, because she trusts ‘em more than humans or Wetans. Because they pretty much really enjoy their work, doin’ violence, and will work for coin pretty assiduously if paid on time. And she probably also has some things I don’t know about in there as guardians. So you can bet there’ll be some Fex and some surprises.
And at night, the streets are patrolled by the plutocrats, by some human guards and we pirates tend to patrol everything on the cliffside down. The beaches are just weird, they’re beautiful, often mutants crawl up there, and so sometimes you find families of mutants. And very often those families of mutants are actually puppeted by the brain rats. So if you want to meet some brain rats, well, there you go.
But what I would just say is, remember, these are my children, my only children. They call me a Pirate King but in fact the more precise term would be “hermaphroditic warlord”, and Wetan hermaphrodites and females only ovulate once in a few moons, and as you know, Kakudun has a lot of moons, and they’ve been out of phase, and so this is my last go at it, at having bearings. And I’ve kept them cool this whole time, but they’re ready to bust, so I’m entrusting you as it were, with the very name Steady Hand Dealer.
Is that clear? Is everyone all right with that mission? > Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Crystal.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ IC ] Yes.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ IC ] I am honored.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano raises her gin, and drinks it.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yeah, Merkis follows.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Remy shoots.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Vynos does the same.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] As does Beta.
> Wythe / Special Guest: [ OOC ] Roll a d6, anyone who drinks it, just roll a d6.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] And just in case it hasn’t been obvious up until this point, Wythe Marschall is now the D.M. of this game.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I was about to say, like, we’re inside a different game. 5.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Yes!
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] 4.
> Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] A little mini-game. 5, 4, you feel good. The kaleidoscopic effect happens however you like, aesthetically, somewhere on your body, with a 5 and a 4.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] 3.
> Mike / “Zeshdano”: [ OOC ] Zeshdano got a 2. > Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] I got a 2.
> Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] Okay, 3, 2, yeah, you get a random, fairly large amount of kaleidoscopy happening. So, you know, it might be like yay big, like, probably bigger than you imagined, I’m guessing. And it’s a little bit hard, it’s a little bit like “new tattoo” weird. Like it’s a little tender, and it’s a little harder than the rest of the skin or, in the case of metal, I don’t know what it would do with a Shoodtha. Maybe it doesn’t work right on a Shoodtha.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Yeah, I was also gonna point out that the nanites might do something to it, but I don’t know.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Nanites might just eat it.
> Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] Nanites might just eat it, yeah. It might just taste weird and
nothing happens.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] I think- yeah, yeah. I think for Remy what happens is like, it starts forming around his like- the tips of his fingers, but the nanites eat it so it’s just like one finger tip is kaleidoscoped.
> Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] Nice.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Merkis now has a tummy plate. > Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] Nice.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] It’s like a helmet.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Vynos feels - it’s starting near his collarbones and then two lines of these kind of spiraling shapes travel up underneath his beard, on either side of his mouth up to his eyes, and then it surrounds his eyes.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] [gasps]
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] In sort of a druidic kind of way. And he’s just got kind of these shapes around his eyes. And then like, the two almost tear-shaped marks going all the way down his face and down to his chest.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Whoa.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Wow.
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] So he looks even fucking cooler?
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] I think so.
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano’s eyes get wide and she goes - [ IC ] Uh, I don’t wanna show anyone where it happened.
[laughing]
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] And Beta is looking all over her skinny legs and she just can’t
find it, and she’s a little disappointed.
[laughing]
[01:04:58] > Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] I wanna retcon that it’s just five of Remy’s fingernails are now kaleidoscopic.
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] Ooh, yeah!
> Wythe / Guest G.M.: [ OOC ] He shoots, eats some pie, and shakes somebody’s hand at
random, and then just has to leave. He immediately has other important duties.
[laughing]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] Zeshdano turns around and looks at everybody and says - [ IC ] All
right, let’s go steal - rescue. Let’s go rescue some kids.
[Main Theme begins]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] You are now leaving Float City. Thanks for listening.
A small bit of news: Float City transcripts are now unlocked as of today, thank you so, so much to everyone who did a transcript for Fun City. We are very excited to be able to open up the next batch. If you’re interested in writing a transcript for us, and we will pay you to do so, you can find a link in the show notes to a document that explains the whole process. Once the transcript back-catalog is done, transcripts for new episodes will be available to whoever wants them on a first-come, first-served basis. We’ll have more info about that once we, um, you know, figure out how we’re gonna do it.
If you like the show, and you want to help us keep making it, head on over to patreon.com/funcityventures. Five bucks a month gets you access to a whole other show we do called Fun Chatty, it gets you access to our rad-as-heck Discord full of very weird, very nice and smart nerds, it gets you access to music playlists and more. It is a wild deal, you gotta get on in here, patreon.com/funcityventures. And of course, thank you to all of our current Patrons for help keeping this ship afloat.
[Main Theme ends] [Outro Theme begins]
> Bijan / “Remy”: [ OOC ] Hi, I’m Bijan Stephen, and I play Remy Tester on Float City. You can find me online on Twitter @bijanstephen (B-I-J-A-N, S-T-E-P-H-E-N), on Twitch at the same name, and on Instagram @bijancakes (B-I-J-A-N, cakes).
> Jenn / “Merkis”: [ OOC ] I’m Jenn de la Vega. I play Merkis Imeldar. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram @randwiches. That’s the word “sandwiches”, but replace the “S” with an “R”.
> Shannon / “Beta”: [ OOC ] This is Shannon Odell. I play Beta Combot. You can find me on social @shodell.
> Nick / “Vynos”: [ OOC ] Hello, this is Nick Guercio, and I play Lux on Fun City and Vynos on Float City. You can find me @nicholasguercio on Twitter, and @nguercio on Instagram. You spell Guercio G-U-E-R-C-I-O.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OOC ] I’m Taylor Moore and I play all the cool, interesting characters. You can follow me @taylordotbiz. [villanous chuckle]
> Mike / G.M.: [ OOC ] My name is Mike Rugnetta, I am your G.M. and you can find me on Twitter and Instagram @mikerugnetta.
You can find the show on Twitter and Instagram @funcityventures. Float City is played in a soon-to-be-released system called Stillfleet, which you can find on Twitter, Instagram and Patreon @stillfleet.
This episode of Float City was recorded at various locations around Brooklyn, New York and Cape Cod, Massachusetts. It was produced, edited, and sound designed by me, Mike Rugnetta.
“For Tyrannical Purposes, Pixlriffs has made This World the Foundation of All, and the Goddess Nature (Memory), and not Imagination (the Holy Ghost) is his Inspirer.”
Fun City’s music is by Sam Tyndall, Remy’s flute playing is by Jake Fridkis. Our art is by Tess Stone, the Float City art is by Ethan Gould, our Discord mods are Olivia Gulin, Kelly McKew, Kit Pulliam, and Kestrel, and as always, the voice of Artemis is Molly Templeton.
[Outro Theme ends]