The team lays low while the heat dies down. Lash takes in an Urban Brawl game.
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and @shodell is Lash
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@mikerugnetta is everything else
--
Recorded at Fortunate Horse in Greenpoint BK
Produced, edited and sound designed by Mike Rugnetta
Pixlriffs is the kind of guy who would delete the security footage
Our music is by Sam Tyndall - https://pileofsecrets.bandcamp.com
Our art is by Tess Stone - http://notdrunkenough.com/
Our Discord mods are Olivia Gulin, Kestrel and Kit
The voice of Artemis is Molly Templeton
--
CC-BY Licensed SFX and music used in this Episode:
https://musopen.org/music/38271-string-quartet-op-61-no-1/
20.2: A Day Off with Lash
[0:00:00] [ Vibrant Sawtooth Theme begins ]
> Mike Rugnetta / G.M.: You guys are alone in the mess hall of the Mrs. Egg, what do you want to do with your day?
> Shannon Odell / “Lash Goodbog”: [OOC] Lash wants to hit up that Urban Brawl game. > Mike / G.M.: Hell yeah!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [OOC] Wooh!
> Mike / G.M.: You’re gonna see some sports.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [OOC] Sports!
> Mike / G.M.: The Urban Brawl arena, otherwise known as ‘The Brawl Zone’ [ All chuckle ] > Shannon / “Lash”: [OOC] Welcome to The Brawl Zone!
> Mike / G.M.: Not my creation that is what it is called in the book- [Jenn Groans, Shannon Laughs] is on Highland Island. Which is the same spot- the island that Yuri asked you guys to sort out his, what did he say? ‘boog ghost’?
> Jenn de la Vega / “Vivian Lakewood”: [OOC] Bug ghost.
> Mike / G.M.: Bug ghost?
> Taylor Moore / “The Bad Boys” [IC as Yuri]: Yeah, ghost bug! [ All conversation OOC until noted otherwise]
> Mike / G.M.: To see- To deal with his bug ghost problem. The easiest way to get there is via ferry and there is a terminal for that on the west side, a little bit south of the Mrs. Egg, but you could go however you want.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah Lash is gonna go via ferry. Is it within walking distance? > Mike / G.M.: It is within walking distance
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay, Lash runs there! [ Mike laughs ]
[ Crowd background noise begins ]
> Mike / G.M. As you approach you can see all of the people who are obviously headed to today’s brawl game. They are all wearing bright blue and green neon colors of the New York Slasher Bears and they- some of them are holding up big foam hands that are gripping the very recognizable vibroblade dagger of the brawl star player, French expat, Chance DuPois.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Chance DuPois.
> Mike / G.M.: This is someone who, like, you would know.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, hell yeah! Lash loves Chance DuPois!
> Mike / G.M.: You get on the ferry?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Get on the ferry. I go immediately to check out the line at the food, special area
> Mike / G.M.: I mean it’s long but it’s always long. This is exactly what you expected. > Shannon / “Lash”: Lash gets in line [ Mike Laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: Yeah, it’s in the twenty, twenty-five-minute ride that it takes to go from the Hudson river down south around Manhattan to the end of highland island where the brawl zone is, you do manage to get one soy hotdog? Is that -
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yup, yeah yeah, she knows she’s gonna - she’s gonna pound a couple when she hits the arena, but she wants to kind of get a starter. Kind of like a starter coating on her stomach of some soy hotdogs. [ Mike Laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: You wanna start with that good imitation sausage coating.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, the one that’s on the ferry too because you know that’s primo!
> Mike / G.M.: So as Lash enjoys her hotdog, how would you guys feel about hearing a brief explanation about what the hell urban brawl is.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Yes
> Nick Guercio / “Luxe Scythe”: I would > Bijan Stephen / “T.K.”: Finally!
> Mike / G.M. Okay
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Can we get like the Goofy Cartoon tutorial? [ Nick Laughs ] No, wait, [ Taylor and Bijan laugh ] Did I make those up? No, we all know what I’m talking about right?
[ Crowd background noise ends ]
> Nick / “Luxe”: Where he worked out and, yeah - [ Shannon makes trumpet noises ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Or like, he bought a car
> Nick / “Luxe”: Yeah yeah.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Remember that one?
> Nick / “Luxe”: [ 50’s Announcer voice ] “So you’re ready to buy a car”
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ Shouting ] YES! YES! You did it!
> Shannon / “Lash”: yeah yeah!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yes yes yes yes yes!
> Shannon / “Lash”: yeah yeah yeah yeah!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah yeah, I love it!
> Mike / G.M.: Is this like that weird 1950s voice-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah
> Mike / G.M.: -Where its like an atom is telling you how to buy a car
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Uh sorta. But yeah Nick -
> Mike / G.M.: Or like a man in a bad hat
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: -Nick did it pretty well, yeah!
>Nick / “Luxe”: Yeah. He’s kinda the straight man like he never really recognises the goofiness going on.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah
>Nick / “Luxe”: He’s like can you-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Contraception. You know that kinda- [ Laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: Here I’ll try it I’ll try [ Taylor laughs like Goofy ] you let me know. [ Bijan, Nick laugh ] Urban Brawl is a two ball rugby like game with an origin in French street level gang warfare. Am I close?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Nailing it!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Yeah you are
>Nick / “Luxe”: You’re nailing it, you’re doing great! [ 50’s advert music begins ]
> Mike / G.M.: Should I? Okay I’ll keep going. [ Clears throat ] Over a few decades it turned from a regimented way to style turf wars to a multi-trillion dollar industry with a global fandom and merchandise empire. Brawl is played on city streets in mostly abandoned neighborhoods, which means it’s an additional stressor on any city's homeless population who are sometimes paid a pittance for their trouble but often simply told to scram! The game involves two goals on either side of the play area whihc is normally a few square blocks, teams try to get their ball into their opponents goal, games are in 4 thirty minute periods and there are... Very. Few. Rules. Each team has one motorcycle, its driver is not allowed to score, there’s no magic allowed, and technically urban brawl players aren’t supposed to kill one another but networks know it's good for ratings. Urban Brawl is mostly watched via trid as watching the action live is difficult, impossible, or prohibited by law depending upon what state you’re in. But New York is piloting a new program called ‘Safe-Tee-View’ where Slasher Bears fans can buy seats in newly constructed, apparently indestructible, completely transparent structural plastic buildings placed in the midst of the brawl zone. [ Nick, Bijan, Shannon laugh ] All the ads for this seasons games have an obnoxious male voiceover that repeats the leagues curt and forceful Safe-Tee- View slogan over and over again.
[ Heavy Metal electric guitar plays ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC as Voiceover ] [ Yelling ] YOU GON’ GET BLOWN’T
UUUUP! [Shannon, Nick laugh, and Taylor laughs like a maniac.] [ Explosion ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] [ Yelling ] [ Heavy Metal electric guitar plays ] YOU GON’ GET BLOWN’T UUUUP!
[ Explosion ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] [ Yelling ] YEEEAAAHEHOOWWWW! > Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Wow!
[ All conversation OOC until noted otherwise]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: It-It’s like the fucking bounty hunters from Cowboy Bebop thats i- thats like. S/> Jenn / “Vivian”: Yes!
>Nick / “Luxe”: You gon get blown’t up!
> Mike / G.M.: Is it B L O W N T?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yes, thank you so much. I feel seen buddy.
>Nick / “Luxe”: Blown’t.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Sorry I called you a bitch earlier. [ All laugh ] I was, listen I know what accent’s coming up and I’m trying to get all the bad words out, [ Mike, Nick, Bijan, Jenn, laugh ] like washing it clean in my brain.
> Mike / G.M.: Uh, it’s very hard to do, I mean yeah, we’ll get there.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: That whole time I was thinking [ Sings the music to Mr. Sandman ] > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah yeah.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: Lash, as the ferry approaches highland island and the port where you can get out and get immediately into the Brawlzone, you hear from a distance from the tinny speakers that line the zone that very slogan played over and over again on top of a like, dense, chromed, heavy metal beat and you can see the large structural plastic buildings that are built, uh, for - that you are ostensibly going to watch the game in - glinting in the high August sun. The ferry docks, it unloads a mass of people, everyone is fanning themselves as you disembark because it is so hot. This is when you look out and see a bunch of signs that say ‘Sold Out’ and you realize you did not buy a ticket. [ Jenn Laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Ugh, damn it I meant to buy a ticket but then I forget everything. > Mike / G.M.: You also, if I remember correctly, don’t have any money.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] I also don’t have any money. Alright -
> Mike / G.M.: Uhm -
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] - This seems like a new system.
> Mike / G.M.: - Looking around you do see automated ticket kiosks, uh, like ticket printing kiosks. Uhh, They are showing the characteristic Urban Brawl ball, which is a 2 pound metal sphere, ringed with icons of the implements of famous brawlers. You can wait a few minutes and one of those will become available. You can also see a customer service kiosk with a few very irritated looking human men behind it. The line is slightly longer than the uh - than the automated kiosks but it’s moving, everyone in it looks very impatient and exasperated. You can also see a ticket checking booth on the far left edge of the paved pathway that leads to the Safe- Tee-View seats and its attendant is leaning out of their box excitedly talking to a tall attractive elven man, and if you were to book it right now, and you were able to weave through everyone, you would get there in about 10 seconds.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah, uh, Lash, uh, knows that the smarter thing would be to hack and get a ticket but she sees the challenge in front of her and decides, oh yeah she’s gonna run directly for that sweet open spot.
> Mike / G.M.: I- The first thing I’m gonna ask you to roll is essentially an encounter die. > Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Sure.
> Mike / G.M.: I’m gonna ask you to roll 1d6 to determine the level of challenge that you will face between here and there.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Cool, I rolled a 3
> Mike / G.M.: Okay, what's your run speed?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Oh, I know this because it’s on my thiiing.
>Nick / “Luxe”: In boat lengths. [ Jenn laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] In boat lengths?
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] The math on that was like 40 miles an hour, I think? [Mike laughs]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: It was cheetah fast.
> Shannon / “Lash”:[ OOC ] Running move - wait, I think I have - I - The actual calculation I have 24, I don’t know what that 24 means.
> Mike / G.M.: Meters.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: Okay, you start booking it through the crowd - > Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Mhm.
> Mike / G.M.: - uhm, and you are weaving this way and that around people who have large beverages, some people who are double - uh, double fisting double ferry dogs, -
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: - two ferry dogs in each hand.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Wow, that’s gonna be a willpower test [Shannon, Mike laugh]
> Mike / G.M.: People - You’re dodging foam hands and foam vibroblades. As you’re dodging around one person and between another a young, maybe like 20 something, attractive woman steps directly in your path and makes eye contact with you and says.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC as Young Woman ] Hey excuse me could you take a picture of me and my friends.
> Mike / G.M.: And you look and you see a group of like 6 young women, all who are fully decked out in Slasher Bears Uniforms.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] We’ll be so fast, we’ll be so fast
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] I already took one! [ Laughs ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] [ Fading into the distance ] Email it to me! [ Nick laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: Uh, roll agility.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Okay, agility... six.
> Mike / G.M.: They all look like field hockey players.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Two hits.
[ 00:09:58 ]
> Mike / G.M.: As you try to run away, she attempts to step in front of you again to try to get you to actually take a picture but she’s not fast enough and you just sneak behind her
> Shannon / “Lash”: And I say sort of out loud [ IC ] “Haha, can’t get me!” [ Shannon, Nick Laugh ]
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] Sort of out loud.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Sort of out loud.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: But then you also feel like a little ‘Bing’ on your, like, icon in the matrix, your persona and it’s - it’s like it - it’s like when you get a DM from someone that you don’t follow on Twitter. It’s like unrea- you know ‘do you wanna read this?’ and if you wanna read it it’s like ‘Could you actually send me that picture you took?’ [ Mike, Shannon laugh ] and it’s got her-her email address at the bottom.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] OH my gosh, I will, I will answer that later.
> Mike / G.M.: You approach and the ticket checking attendant is still leaning out of their booth talking to this tall, attractive elven man and as you get closer you realize that like, yes this is a person that is worth ignoring your job to talk to.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: They seem like they’re having a good time having a conversation. Role agility to just kind of like, get through the turnstile do a real quick stylish hop or duck or however you wanna do it. They are just gonna do a very low perception check to see if they notice you.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Rolling agility and I got three hits.
> Mike / G.M.: They- I mean these people are obviously in love. [ Shannon, Jenn awh ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] That’s so nice.
> Mike / G.M.: I don’t know if they're coworkers or what but like they- there is like some real chemistry that you can perceive as you slide on by an-
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] And as- Can I take a picture on my commlink of them as I slide on by?
> Mike / G.M.: Absolutely
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] ‘Cause I’m kind of moved by it.
> Mike / G.M.: The picture that you get, because the sun is still rising, you get a sort of low, like low sun in the background, cresting over this grassy hill and its placed directly between them so it looks like where their faces are meeting there- there's just a big aurora of happiness and love. You are now in a procession heading to the Safe-Tee-View building and seats. You’re at this point are starting to walk through the edge of the actual brawl zone and it's a little like being on a- a movie set. You recognize some of these buildings from TV and it's kind of weird to see them in real life, like, looking at the divots in the road and looking at the bullet holes in all of the buildings. It’s like seeing something in a level of detail that's more real than you anticipated and it's like, you know, everybody’s excited, everybody’s really kind of thrilled. People are gawking and pointing at stuff and, you know, someone is pointing at a slash that’s in one the doors and they’re like “Oh that was the time that Chance did the thing with his vibroblade it was pretty fuckin coo- Did you see that one? That was last season”
[ All conversation OOC until noted otherwise ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Cool. Lash goes over to one area tha- of a wall that’s like particularly beat
up and she wants to take a selfie in front of it. > Mike / G.M.: Do it up.
> Shannon / “Lash”: She has a small little kind of like GoPro-y camera that she pulls out of her varsity jacket and she takes a picture, and she sends it to T.K.
> Mike / G.M.: T.K you get a message that is Lash in front of what looks like a really large broken window, and part of the window frame is like chunked out and it's got black like char and blast marks around it and she’s got a giant smile on her face. There is no context provided.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: T.K double taps a message and sends a heart back.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Lash is happy with that response and she takes a - > Bijan / “T.K.”: And then message cool window brah.
> Shannon / “Lash”: And then Lash says to herself “I knew he would get it!” [ Mike, Bijan, Jenn laugh ] Puts her little selfie camera away and pulls out her blue Gatorade from her pocket that she obviously got through security because-
> Mike / G.M.: Obviously
> Shannon / “Lash”: Obviously
> Mike / G.M.: Yeah
> Shannon / “Lash”: And starts drinking it because it is very hot out > Mike / G.M.: It’s very hot out.
[ Interlude Music begins ]
> Shannon: Hi friends, it’s Shannon here, if you couldn’t guess, and I’m here to tell you all about our Patreon page. That's right, Fun City Patreon where Fun City dreams are made. We have so much stuff on there, I mean, we have a whole other bi-weekly show where we discuss this show, we have bone-cone, bonus content, we have cut tape. I mean we have pictures and videos of us in the studio, back when we could go to the studio, we have Patreon only streams. I mean- and also you get access to our discord where we chat about everything and anything. So, if this all sounds great to you check it out, patreon.com/funcityventures. See you there, yeah.
[ Interlude Music ends ]
> Mike / G.M.: You are walking towards the Safety-View building and you finally walk into it. It’s very strange, it looks like it should be temporary but it’s clearly very sturdy. The material is, where it is not covered, is very translucent it is like looking through almost like a clear body of water, but the walls and many of the stairs are covered in a kind of, like, decal it’s almost like a wallpaper. There are these plastic sticker runners with the Slasher Bear logos, the faces of many players, their weapons and their implements and you go up a couple flights of stairs. I mean, where do you want to go?
> Shannon / “Lash”: So, Lash wants to get up pretty, pretty high because she thinks that’s actually a better view. You can see more of the players and kind of like more of where people are situating themselves so she goes as high up as she can.
> Mike / G.M.: As you go further and further up the seats get nicer and nicer. There are fewer and fewer of them, and the docents that are standing on the other side of all of the doorways are both more attractive and nicer dressed. If you keep going it’s 8 stories tall, you can go as high as you want.
> Shannon / “Lash”: She goes up to the top floor!
> Mike / G.M.: Okay, there is a tall, attractive, blond elf woman there in a green and blue like- I
don’t know how to describe this getup in a way that is not- She’s wearing a very sexy dress. > Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: Yeah.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Cool.
> Mike / G.M.: It’s like, very chesty and she’s wearing a very short skirt and it’s very much, you can tell, catering to the clientele that sits in the section behind her which is mostly large sweaty men.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Right.
> Mike / G.M.: And she says [ IC as Docent ] Hi, ticket please.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Oh, uhm, actually I don’t have one but I should be on the list. Bryce Bammer, I think has me on the list there.
> Mike / G.M.: Okay [All laugh ] She -
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Wow!
> Mike / G.M.: -She reaches into a- a leather attache case that’s strapped around her waist and pulls out a small tablet and starts going through the list. And she says [ IC ] And what did you say your name was?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] My name is uh, uhhh, uhhh, my name Lash, my name is Lash! > Mike / G.M.: Okay, she’s scrolling. Is she going to find your name here?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Lash is messaging Bryce right now [ Jenn Laughs ] ‘Can you put me on the list for today’s Urban Brawl VIP room?’
> Mike / G.M.: Do you- you have him as a contact?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: What is your- What is your loyalty and connection rating with Bryce Bammer? > Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] It’s a 5 and a 5
> Mike / G.M.: Ooh.
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] Woah
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] It’s pretty high
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ OOC ] This might actually work!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] That’s pretty high!
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] That is pretty high!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] He’s a- He’s a good friend, we came up together in Urban Brawl > Mike / G.M.: Roll a d6 and don’t roll a 1
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Okay, oooh
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] Very close!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Did you roll a 1?
> Mike / G.M.: Very close, you rolled a 2?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] I rolled a 2.
> Mike / G.M.: The Docent is scrolling and scrolling, she has now scrolled well past the L’s and back again, and she’s starting to get this look on her face like [ IC ] [ tuts and sighs ] Now I gotta deal with this one? God damn it. I deal with enough already, and now this one- [ OOC ] And she like- you can tell she doesn’t want to have conflict around this, so it’s like sort of
delaying a little bit. You send your message to Bryce and it’s like getting to be an uncomfortable amount of time where neither of you are saying anything to one another until finally Bryce sends a message back to you and the message just says- What does Bryce sound like?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] He’s like a jock.
> Mike / G.M.: Bry- The message just says “Done” [Nick, Jenn, Shannon chuckle] > Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Knew I could count on Bryce.
> Mike / G.M.: Then as soon as you get the message from him she gets a little surprised look on her face and goes [ IC ] Oh! I don’t why I didn’t see this the first time ye- La-Lash, all it says here is just Lash
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Yeah, that’s me, that’s what I said my name was right?
> Mike / G.M.: [ IC ] You know what? Okay [ OOC ] And she stands aside and there is an
empty seat at the very front-
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Yesss.
> Mike / G.M.: Looking out over the- over the Brawl Zone and you are sitting between a very tiny, skinny, man who’s like maybe in his mid 80s? He’s got really thinning white hair, he’s got a pockmarked face and he’s wearing a suit that is too big for him, he is snoring very loudly. On the other side of him is a large man-
[ 00:20:00 ]
> Mike / G.M.: -in khakis and loafers with an untucked collared shirt, and underneath it is just a- he’s wearing like a- just a white crew neck shirt, and he looks very excited. Like he’s rubbing his hands together and he’s like, he’s hype.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Lash goes to the excited guy [ IC ] First Urban Brawl?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC as Patrick ] [ Thick Boston Accent ] Who me?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Yeah!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] First Urban Brawl? [ Shannon laughs ] I don’t fuckin’ think so, who the fuck are you?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Haa, Lash! [ Taylor laughs ] Nice to meet you! > Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] You must be a local!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Me? You know it!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Yeah!
> Mike / G.M.: He’s got a- he’s got a surprisingly well manicured goatee.
[ All conversation IC until noted otherwise ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah, you’re one of those New York widows I can tell.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah, you’re gonna get your rear end kicked today lil’ missy let me tell you that! [ Shannon Laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: And I see that you got Boston-
[ Shouting in unison ]
> Shannon / “Lash”, Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Massacred-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Written all over your loafers! [ Jenn laughs ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I got it on my loafers and I got it in my heart! [ Shouting ] I bleed Boston Massacre red!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, yeah, yeah. > Mike / G.M.: He’s spitting a little.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Well you guys struggled a little bit in that brawl against the Canada Goose Men!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Ah well you look wicked hard! You never struggled before?
> Shannon / “Lash”: You know, the New York team hasn’t really struggled that much the past
two seasons.
> Mike / G.M.: Their record has been very good, I will just say
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yes!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Well that all ends today little miss, let me tell you that! That’s over!
> Mike / G.M.: The Massacre is on an upswing.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Well, you wanna make it interesting? [ Jenn, Mike, laugh ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ Shouting ] You fuckin’ know I do! [ Shannon laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: The Docent is turning around and looking at the man who’s sleeping and he doesn’t react so she doesn’t bother you at all.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah, let's make it interesting. What do you wanna put on it? > Shannon / “Lash”: Well those loafers look pretty good.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Done, my loafers for- What you gonna put in?
> Mike / G.M.: What’s Lash wearing?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Lash is wearing her varsity jacket. She’s wearing what she normally wears, so her varsity jacket, her big boots- big spiked boots, she is- she has her little GoPro on her but she also is holding about four Gatorades in her pocket, and she also has- let me just get a look. She’s also holding her- She has her blowgun on her as well as, she doesn’t have much.
> Mike / G.M.: She probably doesn’t see that.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah, she has her blowgun on her, and she’s also- what else does
she have on her?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] How ‘bout this? I lose, I gotta walk home barefoot. You lose, I get that varsity jacket that you clearly love so much.
> Mike / G.M.: It would-
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Damn.
> Mike / G.M.:- He would not be able to fit an arm through the sleeve.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] But I think it’d look great on my little dog! > Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Nah.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Ah not so wicked hot now-
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeaah! Lash-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] - you local! Welcome to the Massacre!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] -Lash, this is- this is the hugest thing Lash has- Lash doesn’t care about money, obviously, but she cares about her armored varsity jacket. It is the most prized possession of hers, but the only thing she loves more than her varsity jacket is the New York bear- what is it? [ Nick laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: The Slasher Bears.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] The New York Slasher Bears, she bleeds New York Slasher
Bears. So she goes “Bring it!” And she takes the jacket off and throws it on the ground.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: And he- he- he does the thing where he takes his shoes off with his feet, and he kicks them down and you can smell it immediately.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah [ Shannon, Jenn laugh ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: But he kicks them, and he kicks them right over by the jacket. > Mike / G.M.: As you do this the horn for the- The horn signifying the first period sounds [ Claxon bleeps ]
[ Crowds cheering ]
> Mike / G.M.: and you see the players of each team come out into the central playing area where they all sort of like bump fists in the beginning and then run off their separate ways before they begin the massacre as it were. So everybody’s down on the ground, you can see two motorcycles circling either way.
[ Motorcycles rev ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Sully! Sully! The game’s startin’! The game i- Sully wake
up!
> Mike / G.M.: They guy on the other side of you, like, stirs lightly and opens- opens an eye, and then settles back down.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] You know this guy?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Ah no, we jus- we met when we came in.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Nice!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] He took a bunch of pills and now he’s sitting there sleeping!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ]Agh, not the way I would enjoy an Urban Brawl game, but to each his own
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] To each his own, and now the die is cast!
> Mike / G.M.: And so over the next 30 minutes you hear various rounds of gunfire. You see flamethrowers, both up close and in the distance, lighting up various empty buildings in this part of Highland Island. You see a flaming motorcycle drive by the main area that’s right in front of you.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] If they blow up that old middle school I’ll give you the last chicken wing!
> Mike / G.M.: He is eating some soy chicken wings. > Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] You’re on!
> Mike / G.M.: He had them delivered by someone from downstairs about- yeah, fifteen minutes ago. You see a particularly good fistfight between two players that have two bionic arms and it’s- it is like so good it almost looks choreographed, like everyone is cheering and shouting because it’s like a little condensed version of the whole match itself. These two, like, huge dudes with shiny metal arms just duking it out going-
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] [ Shouting ] GET ‘EM JERRY!
> Mike / G.M.: -Going punch for punch
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] [Shouting ] GET ‘EM! No one punches like Jerry!
> Mike / G.M.: You see a lot of stuff that happens out of view and so you watch it from these comp- you watch it from these monitors that are hung from the ceiling. There are these camera drones that are flying around. You see Chance Du- You see Chance DuPois really like- he takes out the- he takes out the competing motorcycle with a very, very choice backflip vibroblade strike. It looks balletic.
[ All conversation IC until noted otherwise ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: That- That’s his specialty.
> Mike / G.M.: That’s bad for you.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yeah al- al- alright. That’s your French boy? > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah you see that? You see that?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: That’s your French boy?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Chance DuPee?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, oh ho ho!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Oooh, I called your boy pee pee! > Shannon / “Lash”: Oh I’m sorry-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Sully! Sully wake up!
> Shannon / “Lash”: -I’m sorry!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I called the locals boy a pee pee! > Shannon / “Lash”: Call him whatever you want-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: He’s a pee pee.
> Shannon / “Lash”: -You’re guy can’t call anyone anything because [ Shannon laughs ] he’s out
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: He’s in heaven now! [ Shannon laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: He’s not dead!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Oh is he not?
> Shannon / “Lash”: He’s just out, right?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Aww see these new rules they make the game so much less exciting.
> Mike / G.M.: At the end of the second quarter the Boston Massacre mounted rider, the Boston Massacre motorcycle drives by the area you are directly in front of and it is unpursued. There is no one in front of it, there is no one behind it. But out of nowhere it just explodes [ Shannon laughs ] sending its rider flying into the third story of a building across the street.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Ohhh
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Little Paul Reviere! Little Paul Reviere! > Shannon / “Lash”: Ohh that’s gonna leave a dent!
> Mike / G.M.: You can’t tell if it was- I mean there’s not a lot of decking because it’s too fiddly for the play but like, there was no one around, like, maybe someone planted some explosives but it was- it was a very silent, very deadly play.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh ho, that’s gonna be on the replays you know it!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I swear to god, I bet you freaks got some magic user up in the
stands!
> Shannon / “Lash”: No way-
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Yes you do!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ Shouting ] They’re clean! They play clean! Don’t you dare!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: ‘They play clean.’
> Shannon / “Lash”: We play clean!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Alright.
> Shannon / “Lash”: I don’t know about you guys over there after that whole big scandal! Deflating motorcycle tires! [ Nick, Bijan giggle ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: That was an honest mistake! [ Shannon Laughs ] That was a misreading of the rules, we have a Murderball dynasty and how dare you say such a thing to me!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh yeah! [ Crowd cheering ends ]
> Mike / G.M.: At half time everybody clears the Brawlzone. They clean up some of the detritus and some of the blood and they fly in a large jumbo-tron and a woman in- with a long, like, comically large microphone steps out and she announces that it is time for the audience to get their brawl on and that they are going to select, at random, a Slasher Bears fan that is gonna have a chance to score on New York’s own Slasher Bear, Chance DuPont specifically.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I hope it’s you! > Shannon / “Lash”: I hope it’s me.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I hope it’s you and he cuts your arms off your body! [ Nick, Jenn laugh ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh my god, you would love to see that! You would love that!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I just said it- I just brought it up, of course!
> Shannon / “Lash”: You would love that. If he- that does happen I would love a picture. [
Nick laughs ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I will take a picture of that, you fuckin’ know it, yes!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Maybe you could video that, maybe you could video that.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: That would be wicked fuckin’ hard! I- If you get your arms ripped off I’m taking a picture!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah please do.
> Mike / G.M.: You get a message on your commlink.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] I check my commlink.
> Mike / G.M.: From Bryce Bammer
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Oh Bryce!
> Mike / G.M.: And the message just says ‘LOL’
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Oh no!
> Mike / G.M.: And it is at this moment that you hear [ IC as Megaphone Woman ] [ Echo ] 8E! Who is in 8E?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ] Oh my fucking God!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Lash checks under her seat.
> Mike / G.M.: You are sitting in seat 8E.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Ohhh.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Ohoho! Bryce you dirty dog! [ Nick Laughs ]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ OOC ] I- I like the feeling that Bryce Bammer is just God sitting- [ Mike Laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah!
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ OOC ] He’s just intervening left and right.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Yeah!
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ OOC ] Benevolently.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Lash- Yeah, what’s his name? The guy next to me?
> Mike / G.M.: Not Sull- Sully’s friend
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Sully’s friend, look’s directly at Sully’s friend-
> Mike / G.M.: Let’s be honest his name is either: Chris, Michael, Patrick-
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ OOC ] Patrick.
> Mike / G.M.: -or Joseph.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah. She looks directly at Patrick [ IC ] You better be recording that- this thing! [ OOC ] and she runs towards the exit to get down there.
> Mike / G.M.: His friends either call him; Sully, Tiny, Mikey, or for some reason Steve-O [ Shannon laughs ] even though that’s a guy that exists.
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] Oh!
[ 00:30:00 ]
> Mike / G.M.: You run downstairs and the docents are very proud, they’re very happy for you, they’re applauding and as you cross- as you go down the stairs you hear people excited that- you know they know you’re in this building.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: You leave and you go back out onto the- the street that you saw when you came in. It’s been cleared and the woman who was doing the announcement is standing there with her comically large microphone in one hand and a steel ball in the other hand and she gives you a very grave look and she says [ IC as Megaphone Woman ] Do you absolve the Slasher Bears from any bodily harm that may come to you in the participation of this endeavor?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Now and forever! [ Mike laughs ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ OC ] [ Distant ] You better! [ Shannon laughs ]
> Mike / G.M.: She hands you the ball- She like, kinda like puts her weight into it because it’s very heavy, hands it to you.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: You get it. Yeah, it feels- it’s a big steel ball.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: She gestures towards the open roadway and as you walk away she says [ IC ] Wait what’s your name?
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ IC ] Lash
> Mike / G.M.: Okay, she holds up the microphone and she says [ IC ] [ Echo ] Everybody!
Welcome! LAAASH! and you hear the muffled applause from the Safe-Tee-View building.
[ Cheering begins ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Yeah, so Lash is so excited! She- This isn’t- I mean, this isn’t her first time on an Urban Brawl arena. I mean she did play it in High School, it’s a very scaled down version for high schoolers to play, no- very- no one- no one really dies which she really didn’t really like about it.
> Mike / G.M.: People would understand, like, there’s- there are arena Urban Brawl games, they’re just considered like, less cool
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Right, exactly.
> Mike / G.M.: ‘cuz it’s recreation urban environments and one of the very strictly enforced
rules is you can’t kill anyone.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Right, but she’s never been out on this arena, you know, the professional ‘urban’ arena. Or not arena, what’s it called?
> Mike / G.M.: The Brawl Zone.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] The Brawl Zone, she’s never been out on the Brawl Zone so
she’s super excited.
> Mike / G.M.: You see two urban brawl players from the Slasher Bears, Chance DuPois and, hold on let me- let me generate a name.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Chance- what is it? Chance- > Mike / G.M.: Chance DuPont.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: DuPont.
[ All conversation OOC until noted otherwise ] > Shannon / “Lash”: Chance DuPont.
> Mike / G.M.: Chance- Chance DuPont.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Chance DuPont.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Chance DuPont.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Dupuis dans DuPont.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Chaaaance DuPoooont.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Chance!
> Mike / G.M.: It is Chance DuPont and Heimer Thoreson. They do not have their implements on them, Chance does not have his vibroblade, Heimer does not have his hammer.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Thank God.
> Mike / G.M.: And they are- And they are- Behind them are some- some production assistants basically are pulling in the, surprisingly small, Urban Brawl goal and they’re just standing there, sort of like heaving, hulking dudes in these giant spiked pads with big helmets with metal grates on the front and they’re like wordlessly sitting there. And behind you, sort of like, just- it’s like dull noise, you just barely perceive, that this woman with the microphone is describing what you have to do and it is- you’re just going to have to somehow get the ball into the goal. And then you hear a loud honk.
[ Claxon bleeps ]
[ Intense music begins ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay whats- what’s aroun- what’s between me and the- and the- and the goal?
> Mike / G.M.: The goal? You are standing on the ground- > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: -the goal is on the ground.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: Probably about 30ft in front of you are two large men standing side by side and about 30ft behind them is the goal.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Is there anything- anything- like a structure or anything I could jump off of?
> Mike / G.M.: There is a burned out building about 10ft to your left and there is the Safety- View building about 50ft to your right.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: And there is a, kind of like, a weird graded- like a weird metal guard tower kind
of thing, probably 25ft behind you.
> Shannon / “Lash”: So the idea of the two- the two men is that they’re just gonna- they’re gonna like run at me, or they’re gonna try to attack me.
> Mike / G.M.: It’s gonna happen soon.
> Shannon / “Lash”: It’s gonna- Okay so as soon as Lash hears the horn she immediately starts
running towards that metal guard tower thing.
> Mike / G.M.: Behind you? You’re like running away from them.
> Shannon / “Lash”: I’m running away from them.
> Mike / G.M.: Okay
> Shannon / “Lash”: ‘Cuz I’m trying to get them to scatter away from the goal.
> Mike / G.M.: Okay. You break away, you do something that no- they do this every game. > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: And- or at least they provide the opportunity every game.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: Most people don’t take it-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: -so this is very fun for everybody that a citizen is here and that they are actually going to [ Shannon, Nick laugh ] t- t- try to score a goal against the Brawlers. And you, on top of doing something they almost never see, you do another thing that they never see, and you run in the opposite direction and they run after you.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Wow. So, she is running full speed, and this building doesn’t have any kind of surface she could climb or is it just a metal guard tower?
> Mike / G.M.: Yeah so it’s- it’s like the Firewatch towers that are in parks, if you know these? > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: It’s a crisscross of metal supports-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: -with a very steep ladder, with a little house on the top of it that has a roof and a 360 lookout, and inside of it you can see that there is a camera crew up at the top. But at the bottom- yeah, it’s just metal supports and legs and a- and a tall ladder.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah so basically- Essentially what Lash is trying to do is she’s trying to run them towards- in this direction, climb up, and then once they get to her she’s gonna jump off and she’s just acting on her speed and is going to try to run the other direction.
> Mike / G.M.: You wanna- You wanna run up the guard tower and then jump off of it to the- like- and then go over their heads?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Over their heads, yeah! > Mike / G.M.: Okay.
> Shannon / “Lash”: And the- the whole idea is to get them out and then so that she can jump ove- over them and they’re never gonna catch up. Her idea is they’re never gonna catch up.
> Mike / G.M.: Roll. Those. Gym. Nastics. [ Taylor laughs ] > Shannon / “Lash”: Yaaay! Cool!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Alright!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Great! So, for gymnastics-
> Mike / G.M.: They are gonna roll their reaction plus intuition. I would just like to reiterate they are world class athletes. [ Nick chuckles ]
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash! Lash! Lash! > Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash!
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash!
> Shannon / “Lash”: What do I roll? twelve? Lash is rolling twelve [ Jenn laughs ] She only
got three hits though [ Jenn laughs ] > Bijan / “T.K.”: Ohhh fuck! >Nick / “Luxe”: Edge! Edge! Edge! > Shannon / “Lash”: Hah, right?
> Mike / G.M.: Okay-
> Jenn / “Vivian”: It’s per session, so take it if you want!
> Mike / G.M.: -Heimer Thoreson.
>Nick / “Luxe”: That is not good.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Oh Jesus!
> Mike / G.M.: They roll seventeen dice.
>Nick / “Luxe”: Ho-ly shit.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Ohhhh.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Uh oh.
> Mike / G.M.: He rolled a lot of 1s
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Oh, yeah did not do very well! > Jenn / “Vivian”: Ohhh!
>Nick / “Luxe”: No way, is that a glitch? No
> Bijan / “T.K.”: It looks pretty bad though!
> Mike / G.M.: Not a glitch, but just barely not a glitch. >Nick / “Luxe”: Very close.
> Mike / G.M.: Heimer Thoreson like, you sail over his head, and he does this- he does a very high jump. He squa- like squats down and puts everything he can into it but, maybe it’s that he’s so used to having his hammer and using that to close that final distance to take someone down, but he just doesn’t go high enough and he- he tries to grab at your head as you backflip over him and he just misses. Chance Dupont.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh no
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Oh my goodness
> Shannon / “Lash”: Not gonna get two good, yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: You never know.
>Nick / “Luxe”: Chance Dupoont.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: You gotta believe!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Except that doesn’t look good from our-
>Nick / “Luxe”: It looks good for him.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Three hits, maybe two hits.
> Mike / G.M.: Wow, these guys are having a bad day.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Two hits!
>Nick / “Luxe”: These are terrible rolls for fourteen.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Oh my gosh, really?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Well maybe-
> Mike / G.M.: How many successes did you get?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Three
> Mike / G.M.: Holy shit!
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ Shouting ] Tie goes to the runner! [ Shannon shouts in joy ] > Jenn / “Vivian”: Tie goes to the runner! [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Literal runner, okay!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash!
[ Cheering ends ]
> Mike / G.M.: Chance knows- he knows this about himself. He doesn’t have the ups, he can’t- he can’t reach you, he’s not gonna be able to grab you so you sail over him. Instead of trying to jump he just turns around and he starts chasing after you as soon as you land. Heimer is like pounding his fists against the pavement, he’s like ‘I fucked it up. I can’t believe I did- argh! Some little girl! Urgh!’ [ Shannon laughs ] But you’re- you’re bookin’ it and you have a good lead but Chance is right on your tail.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Right.
> Mike / G.M.: Roll your agility.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Roll my agility again? Okay.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Ooh!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Again rolling twelve.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Ooh!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Still three hits
> Jenn / “Vivian”: So excited for this.
> Shannon / “Lash”: How do I keep getting three hits?
> Mike / G.M.: We- You’re- Jus- Just roll- Well unless you have, do you have a sprinting skill?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh wait! I should be running- I should be rolling running.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Yeah you have another die for that.
> Mike / G.M.: Then- then yeah- then roll running.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay, because the other one was gymnastics ‘cuz it was a flip, but running is actually- is less but I’m rolling ten for running.
> Mike / G.M.: Yeah, they- they’re also running slightly less. > Shannon / “Lash”: But I got five hits!
> Mike / G.M.: He also-
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Whoo!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: What?
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Lets go!
>Nick / “Luxe”: Nice!
> Shannon / “Lash”: C’mon, let Lash live out her glory days! [ Nick chuckles ]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: I think she might.
> Mike / G.M.: How many- You got five hits?
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: They are really having, like, a day!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, well- well they’re probably not expecting that they have to interact with a fan.
> Mike / G.M.: Chance is on your heels.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: You can hear his very heavy footfalls and his really, like, complicated heavy, buckled, metal, plastic, gear. All of his armour clanking as he’s trying to catch up to you, and you can feel at the small of your back-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: -the air as his hand tries to swipe at your shirt. > Shannon / “Lash”: Ugh.
> Mike / G.M.: He’s just trying to grab you and he misses. You’re within one league of getting to the goal. I think you- at this point it would occur to you that you have two options. You can risk it, you could try to throw it in-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Right.
> Mike / G.M.: -and like, that’s going to be a little bit harder because you’re slightly far away,
or you could keep running.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Lash is going to keep running.
> Mike / G.M.: Okay, roll running again.
[ Cheering begins ]
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Stage whisper ] Lash! Lash! Lash! Lash! Yeah Lash! > Shannon / “Lash”: Oof, I only got one hit.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Not good!
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Not good!
>Nick / “Luxe”: He still didn’t roll great but uh.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: People are banging on like, the safety glass.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Maybe I’ll have a saving grace.
> Mike / G.M.: He got four hits.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: So he like puts on the afterburners, he- like, just I’m not fuckin around anymore, like woah, this person is a real athlete so I actually have to play this game, I thought I was gonna have to go easy on them and you feel like- just giant hands and like, very strong arms kinda just like bear hug you from behind and you are falling to the ground- like in slow motion you are falling to the ground as this giant man has leapt and tackled you from behind.
> Shannon / “Lash”: So Lash’s instincts from playing this game- years of playing this game kick in. As she’s being tackled she does a last ditch effort to try to throw it into the goal.
> Mike / G.M.: So we can do this one of two ways. > Shannon / “Lash”: Cool.
> Mike / G.M.: You can roll for it.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: Or you Shannon, can throw something [ All laugh ] into something else in the studio. Which one would you feel is more fair [ Jenn laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Ohhh no- I mean, the more fun thing is for me to throw something into something but I’m so bad at spatial awareness. [ Bijan, Mike laugh ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I don’t know, I think that’d be pretty great for an audio medium! [Nick, Bijan laugh]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Right? That something no one can see. [ Taylor laughs ] > Bijan / “T.K.”: We should do this for a stream by the way.
> Mike / G.M.: Sure.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Just like throwing things into other things
> Shannon / “Lash”: What do you guys think I should do?
> Bijan / “T.K.”: You should roll, I think you should roll.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Whatever you want to do.
>Nick / “Luxe”: I’m curious- I just want to see you throw something into something but yeah, rolling would be smarter.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: Roll- roll your- If you’re gonna roll I would ask you to roll your agility modified
by natural athlete and nothing else.
> Shannon / “Lash”: So that would be rolling an eight versus me trying to throw something into something
> Mike / G.M.: And I’m going to say that this is- like this would be a- like this is not extremely difficult.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: So I need- I would want you to beat two.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay.
> Mike / G.M.: Which means I would want you to get three or more.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay, and what are the- what’s the thing I would need to throw? Just so I can scale it.
> Mike / G.M.: You are gonna- Like what’s the object?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah, and where would I need to throw it.
> Mike / G.M.: You are gonna- it’s a- there’s a- like a two and a half, three pound steel ball in your hand-
> Shannon / “Lash”: No, no, no, I mean if I were to take that option.
> Mike / G.M.: Oh! I would ask, in real life.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah in real life! What would I have to throw?
> Mike / G.M.: I would ask you to throw a single d6 into this ceramic cup that I will hold over here in the corner.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Oh no! [ laughs ]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: That’s-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Would I be able to do that?
> Bijan / “T.K.”: That’s really hard.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: That’s super hard!
>Nick / “Luxe”: I think if- even she hits it, it should count, because I don’t know if it’ll bounce out.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: I got two out of three just now.
> Mike / G.M.: I would count- bouncing out, I would count as an in.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Wait, let me just like, see what throwing a dice is- [ Nick laughs ] just one practice.
>Nick / “Luxe”: Oh I think you could do it.
> Mike / G.M.: If you had taken it you would have won. >Nick / “Luxe”: Yeah!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Ahah.
>Nick / “Luxe”: I think you could do it!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay I can- lets do it!
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: It’s gotta be the white thing.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Oh Mike that’s so hard!
> Mike / G.M.: Is this what you’re gonna do?
> Shannon / “Lash”: Okay I’m gonna do the throw thing!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Shouting ] Yeaaah!
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ Shouting ] No, no, no, no
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ Shouting ] Yeah!
>Nick / “Luxe”: God.
> Bijan / “T.K.”: [ Shouting ] Nooo!
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Wait I need a video of this!-
> Shannon / “Lash”: It’s such a stupid idea.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ Shouting ] Wait, wait, wait, wait,
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ Shouting ] [ Patricks voice ]This is wicked hard!
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh my God I’m so nervous! This is like in a carnival when you have to throw the things into the thing.
> Mike / G.M.: I’m holding a brown ceramic bowl at a- at a- at a distance -
> Shannon / “Lash”: Arrrgh!
> Mike / G.M.: -that is about seven feet, six feet from Shannon.
> Shannon / “Lash”: I’m so nerv- I mean- I wasn’t this nervous for the SATs. Okay. [ All cry out as Shannon misses ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ Shouting ] [ Patrick’s voice ] You got massacred! > Mike / G.M.: How many- How many points of agility does Lash have?
> Shannon / “Lash”: I have six points of agility plus two natural athlete.
> Mike / G.M.: I’m gonna let you throw one more.
[ Cries of joy ]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Oh my God! [ Nick laughs ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Oh my God!
>Nick / “Luxe”: That was practice in her br- in her mind.
> Jenn / “Vivian”: You got this! You got this!
> Shannon / “Lash”: I- It fell off my hand! [ Taylor laughs ]
> Bijan / “T.K.”: Yeah-
> Shannon / “Lash”: Fuck! [ Jenn laughs ]
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: I think we should make Viv do this every time she casts a spell. [ Bijan laughs ]
>Nick / “Luxe”: Yeah
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah
> Jenn / “Vivian”: Noo!
> Shannon / “Lash”: I mean, I deserve the fail.
>Nick / “Luxe”: This is a Lash move for you to go for this though and I’m proud of you! > Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah! Thank you.
>Nick / “Luxe”: For staying true to character.
> Shannon / “Lash”: It’s okay.
> Mike / G.M.: You tell me what happens.
> Shannon / “Lash”: So Lash she- she knows from her years of- of Urban Brawl that as you’re being tackled you have to do a last ditch throw for the goal ‘cuz, you know, there’s nothing else to do. So she does this though she’s- her arm is so used to throwing foam balls right now, [laughs] she’s gonna blame this on Luxe later, that the weight of the ball- she just doesn’t quite have it right. So she throws it with a little bit too much force ‘cuz she’s used to trying to get those foam balls to go and hit off the wall, and in that it just clearly just, like, overshoots the goal.
> Mike / G.M.: You hear from the crowd, from the muffled sounds from inside of the Safe-Tee- View building [ All awh sadly, Patrick laughs ].
[ Cheering ends ]
[ Intense Music ends ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: Uhm
> Mike / G.M.: You get back upstairs after you get congratulated by Chance and Heimer, after the woman with the comically large microphone gives you a like ‘Oh I’m sorry sweetie.’ You walk dejectedly, I assume [ Nick laughs ] up the stairs.
> Shannon / “Lash”: Yeah. Dejectedly, but she’s also kinda proud of herself ‘cuz like you know, she’s been out of it for a while and she knows that if she stuck with it she could’ve made- she just knows in her heart she could have made it here but she decided to have a different life and kind of quit that Urban Brawl route, and it kind of like, was nice but she has this feeling of, like, you know what, I’m glad I made the choice I did.
> Mike / G.M.: Maybe it’s good that this is something you can’t do on command anymore. > Shannon / “Lash”: Exactly, yeah.
> Mike / G.M.: You enter into your- your box, you see your seat, you’re back in 8E and you see your jacket piled up on the floor next to some shoes.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: And he’s not. > Shannon / “Lash”: He’s not there?
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: No. Written in buffalo sauce [ Nick, Shannon laugh ] on the window [ IC as Patrick ] ‘I hope these loafers’ and it’s in the accent [ Bijan, Nick, Mike, Jenn laugh ] ‘I ho-’ it’s L O A F A H S.
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] Loafahs.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: [ IC ]‘I hope these loafahs treat you as well as they treated me- > Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Wow.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”:[ IC ] -You did good.’ [ Bijan, Nick chuckle ]
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Awh.
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] Wow.
> Mike / G.M.: You watch the remaining 2 periods by yourself. The Slasher Bears win. [ All cheer ]
> Jenn / “Vivian”: [ OOC ] Slasher Beaaars!
[ Energetic Sawtooth music begins ]
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] So worth it! Wow, Lash’s- The shoes don’t wi- will definitely not fit Lash
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: No that’s- they’re very very big.
> Mike / G.M.: I think they’re probably very small.
> Taylor / “The Bad Boys”: Oh, are they? Oh yeah that’s right ‘cuz you’re built!
> Shannon / “Lash”: [ OOC ] I’m an orc! She knows they’re not gonna fit her, but she thinks ‘I’m gonna give them to Luxe!’ [ Mike, laughs ]
[ Shannon, Taylor laugh ]
>Nick / “Luxe”: [ OOC ] The last person who wants these grubby disgusting shoes. [ Energetic Sawtooth music ends ]
[ 00:47:43 ] [ Main Theme begins]
You are now leaving Fun City. The team’s day off will continue on Thursday, July 2nd with T.K. Thank you for listening, if you want to support the show, get access to bonus one off episodes, our bi-weekly post episode chat show Fun Chatty, and our Discord, head on over to patreon.com/funcityventures. And of course, thanks to all our current patrons for help keeping this ship afloat. We’d also love it if you told your pals about the show, shared it on social media, drew us some fan art, gave us a rating on iTunes or just came by to say hey on Twitter.
[ Main Theme ends ]
[ Outro Theme begins ]
> Bijan: I am Bijan Stephen, and I am T.K. You can find me online @bijanstephen on Twitter, which is B-I-J-A-N S-T-E-P-H-E-N. Or on Instagram, and you should just google that.
> Jenn: I'm Jenn de la Vega! I am Viv. You can find me online @randwiches, that's the word sandwiches but just replace the S with an R.
> Nick: This is Nick Guercio; I play Luxe Scythe. You can find me on Twitter @nguersh and Instagram @nguercio, G-U-E-R-C-I-O.
> Shannon: This is Shannon Odell, I play Lash Goodbog. You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @shodell, S-H-O-D-E-L-L.
> Taylor: This is Taylor Moore and I play all the Bad Boys. I'm @taylordotbiz.
> Mike: My name is Mike Rugnetta, I am your G.M. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram
@mikerugnetta.
You can find the show on Twitter and Instagram @FunCityVentures. Fun City was recorded at Fortunate Horse in beautiful Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Fun City was produced, edited, and sound designed by me, Mike Rugnetta. No offense meant to Pixlriffs if he happens to be aCoronation Street fan. Fun City's music is by Sam Tyndall. Our art is by Tess Stone, our Discord mods are Olivia Gulin, Kit, and Kestrel, and the voice of Artemis is Molly Templeton.
[ 00:49:54 ] [ Outro Theme concludes ]